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The number of older people is increasing some people think that this will cause problems in their countries, other believe this group is important to society. discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

The number of older people is increasing some people think that this will cause problems in their countries, other believe this group is important to society. v. 1
It is undeniable fact that education plays a crucial role in reducing crime. Most of the corruption happens due to the low level of literacy and information. While, others are of the opinion that education is a suitable way to mitigate crime. However, I think other measures are also equally vital for wrongdoers. To embark on, Crime is a major dilemma as it is faced by many developing and developed countries. To tackle this problem, Technical education is the only method to reduce the violation and the rate of criminals could decrease who is spending their life in prison. The second most important point is to educate that the prisoner in the prison. In addition, a various sort of vocational courses are offered by the Government. Such as, Carpentry, Sewing clothes for Females, Industrial electronics. Prisoners could take an advantage for acquiring a job after release from prison and made a good citizen in society. Considering the example, The Edihi centre is a famous organization who help for People after back home from jail. However, in my opinion, Alternative methods are also important to mitigate crime problems, one solution is that Government should start camping for the awareness of the crime and also conduct seminars to university level. . Another solution would be for skilled polices go to schools and talk to youngsters about the danger of committing crime and lifestyle in prison. It is a better to educate the immature children and youngsters to commit crime. Consequently, if these measures could be used, it would have a positive impact on reducing crime. In conclusion, further discussion and analysis is enough for reducing the crime. Owing to the education, most of the citizens spent their life as a good citizen of society.
It is undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays a crucial role in reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Most of the corruption happens due to the low level of literacy and information.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, others are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a suitable way to mitigate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
other measures are
also
equally
vital for wrongdoers.

To embark on,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
is a major dilemma as it
is faced
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developing and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
. To tackle this problem, Technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the violation and the rate of criminals could decrease who is spending their life in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
. The second most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is to educate that the prisoner in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
.
In addition
, a various sort of vocational courses
are offered
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
. Such as, Carpentry, Sewing clothes for Females, Industrial electronics. Prisoners could take an advantage for acquiring a job after release from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
and made a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen in society. Considering the example, The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Edihi
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
organization who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
after back home from jail.

However
, in my opinion, Alternative methods are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to mitigate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
problems, one solution is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
camping for the awareness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and
also
conduct seminars to university level.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Another solution would be for skilled polices go to schools and talk to youngsters about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and lifestyle in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
. It is a better to educate the immature children and youngsters to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Consequently
, if these measures could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, it would have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on reducing crime.

In conclusion
,
further
discussion and analysis is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Owing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, most of the citizens spent their life as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen of society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of older people is increasing some people think that this will cause problems in their countries, other believe this group is important to society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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