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The number of old people around the world is increasing dramatically. Is this a positive development? v.1

The number of old people around the world is increasing dramatically. Is this a positive development? v. 1
With the advancement in the field of health sector, there has been an increase in the average lifespan of homo sapiens. Whether the impact of this increase in percentage of living old individuals, is beneficial or harmful is a contentious issue. This essay will emphasize on the views of both sides. Elders are the building blocks of a society; their experiences in life helps others to shape their future. Firstly, elders of the family look after the grandkids, enabling their parents to schedule their day more efficiently. The care they provide is far better than the attention given in kindergartens and preschools, and also, they charge only love. Secondly, some of the retirees provide helpful services in the community. For instance, they voluntarily feed the homeless in soup kitchens, or drive handicapped or older people to their hospital appointments and church sessions. Thus, their contribution to society is undeniable. However, despite the above mentioned facts, many believe that there are a plethora of negative impacts of this increase. To begin with, the rising number of retired people is contributing to the increasing financial burden on the tax-paying working class. For instance, according to the data of the National Health Sector of U. K, last year geriatrics comprised more than three fourth of the total recorded visits to the General Physician’s clinic. Furthermore, increasing lifespan means low mortality, which leads to expansion of the population. The increase in necessities of this bustling population thus, put a strain on the existing resources, therefore, raising load on the biosphere. In conclusion, the dramatic increase in elder population has both pros and cons related to it. But, with better management by government and local communities to find ways to occupy these extra helping hands, may lead to better results in future.
With the advancement in the field of health sector, there has been an
increase
in the average lifespan of homo sapiens. Whether the impact of this
increase
in percentage of living
old
individuals, is beneficial or harmful is a contentious issue. This essay will emphasize on the views of both sides.

Elders are the building blocks of a society; their experiences in life
helps
others to shape their future.
Firstly
, elders of the family look after the
grandkids
, enabling their parents to schedule their day more
efficiently
. The care they provide is far better than the attention
given
in kindergartens and preschools, and
also
, they charge
only
love
.
Secondly
,
some of the
retirees provide helpful services in the community.
For instance
, they
voluntarily
feed the homeless in soup kitchens, or drive handicapped or older
people
to their hospital appointments and church sessions.
Thus
, their contribution to society is undeniable.

However
, despite the above mentioned facts,
many
believe that there are a plethora of
negative
impacts of this
increase
. To
begin
with, the rising number of retired
people
is
contributing to the increasing financial burden on the tax-paying working
class
.
For instance
, according to the data of the National Health Sector of U. K, last year geriatrics comprised more than three fourth of the total recorded visits to the General Physician’s clinic.
Furthermore
, increasing lifespan means low mortality, which leads to expansion of the population. The
increase
in necessities of this bustling population
thus
, put a strain on the existing resources,
therefore
, raising load on the biosphere.

In conclusion
, the dramatic
increase
in elder population has both pros and cons related to it.
But
, with better management by
government
and local communities to find ways to occupy these extra helping hands, may lead to better results
in future
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of old people around the world is increasing dramatically. Is this a positive development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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