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The number of people shopping online is increasing dramatically. What are the benefits of shopping online? Are there any disadvantages? v.1

The number of people shopping online is increasing dramatically. What are the benefits of shopping online? Are there any disadvantages? v. 1
One of the most notable aspects of modern society is the growth of e-commerce. There are those who say that online shopping has enhanced our lives in various ways, while others feel that we are worse off because of this issue. In this essay I will examine the positive aspects and drawbacks of shopping on the internet and provide my overall opinion. From an overall perspective, there are two key advantages of using the internet to buy goods. Perhaps the main advantage of this phenomenon is that it is convenient. For example, shoppers can access user-friendly websites from the comfort of their own homes. A key result of this is that shoppers do not need to experience the stress of crowded department stores. Furthermore, online shopping is often cheaper. This is because of the fact that online shops do not need to pay rent and hire staff. As a result, they can afford to offer products at a lower price than ‘brick and mortar’ shops. Despite these arguments there are also various disadvantages to shopping online. One particularly disadvantageous aspect of internet shopping is that users must provide personal details to the website and this can threaten their personal privacy and security. For example, hackers could possibly access consumers’ bank details and steal their money. A second disadvantage is that online shopping causes people to become more withdrawn from society. Unlike in the past, people today are spending more and more time staring at a screen and not interacting with others, which can lead to depression and other social problems. My personal view is that if people are very careful about who they give their personal details to, and if they can find a balance between online shopping and traditional shopping, then the advantages would outweigh the disadvantages. If people use the internet wisely, it can be a convenient tool to buy the things that they need.
One of the most notable aspects of modern society is the growth of e-commerce. There are those who say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has enhanced our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in various ways, while others feel that we are worse off
because of this
issue. In this essay I will examine the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects and drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
on the internet and provide my
overall
opinion.

From an
overall
perspective, there are two key advantages of using the internet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. Perhaps the main advantage of this phenomenon is that it is convenient.
For example
, shoppers can access user-friendly websites from the comfort of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
homes. A key result of this is that shoppers do not need to experience the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of crowded department stores.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
cheaper. This is
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shops do not need to pay rent and hire staff.
As a result
, they can afford to offer products at a lower price than ‘brick and mortar’ shops.

Despite these arguments there are
also
various disadvantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. One
particularly
disadvantageous aspect of internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is that users
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
to the website and this can threaten their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
privacy and security.
For example
, hackers could
possibly
access consumers’ bank
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and steal their money. A second disadvantage is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become more withdrawn from society. Unlike in the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are spending more and more time staring at a screen and not interacting with others, which can lead to depression and other social problems.

My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
view is that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
careful about
In a formal text, use "whom", not 'who'.
who
they give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
to, and if they can find a balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, then the advantages would outweigh the disadvantages. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet
wisely
, it can be a convenient tool to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the things that they need.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of people shopping online is increasing dramatically. What are the benefits of shopping online? Are there any disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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