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Recently published figures show that the wildlife population around the world has decreased by around fifty percent over the last fifty years. What can we do to help protect the wildlife around the world? v.2

Recently published figures show that the wildlife population around the world has decreased by around fifty percent over the last fifty years. What can we do to help protect the wildlife around the world? v. 2
Data that was released by the National Geographic Channel last week showed that the number of animals in the globe have reduced by half in the past five decades. This essay will discuss ways in which the continuous reduction in animal population can be tackled. To start with, the international community need to come together and put up stricter laws in order to discourage killing of animals by poachers. According to the United Nations, 60% of animals’ death in the sub Saharan Africa in 2019 was due to poachers killing them for sale. This trend should be discouraged by putting up strict and enforceable punishment for people found guilty of such act. For example, if the punishment for killing and wandering in an animal natural habitat is a fine of $50, 000, there would be a significant reduction in this number of, most especially in areas where wildlife are endangered. Another way of preserving wildlife is to give people proper orientation on how their actions affect the wildlife and environment at large. The populace need to be educated about the danger of extinction of animals, and how this will affect the world at large, as animals are an important part of our ecosystem. For example, one of the major reasons for such dwindling in the population of animals is deforestation. If people know the consequences of deforestation on the habitat of animals, they would find alternatives to the use of the tress. In conclusion, in order to protect animals and reduce the number of animals we lose over the years, the international community should put stricter punishment in place for poachers, and also give the populace proper orientation on the consequences of their action on the wildlife habitat.
Data that
was released
by the National Geographic Channel last week
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in the globe have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by half in the past five decades. This essay will discuss ways in which the continuous reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
population can
be tackled
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, the international community need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together and put up stricter laws in order to discourage killing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
by poachers. According to the United Nations, 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
death in the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
sub Saharan
Africa in 2019 was due to poachers killing them for sale. This trend should
be discouraged
by putting up strict and enforceable punishment for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
found guilty of such act.
For example
, if the punishment for killing and wandering in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
natural habitat is a fine of $50, 000, there would be a significant reduction in this number of, most
especially
in areas where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
are endangered
.

Another way of preserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
is to give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
proper orientation on how their actions affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
and environment at large. The populace need to
be educated
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of extinction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, and how this will affect the world at large, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our ecosystem.
For example
, one of the major reasons for such dwindling in the population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is deforestation. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
know the consequences of deforestation on the habitat of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, they would find alternatives to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the tress.

In conclusion
, in order to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
we lose over the years, the international community should put stricter punishment in place for poachers, and
also
give the populace proper orientation on the consequences of their action on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
habitat.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Recently published figures show that the wildlife population around the world has decreased by around fifty percent over the last fifty years. What can we do to help protect the wildlife around the world? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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