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The number of cars has increased significantly in major cities. What problems does this cause and what are some solutions to these problems? v.2

The number of cars has increased significantly in major cities. What problems does this cause and what are some solutions to these problems? v. 2
It is believed that the number of cars increased in major cities which can lead to many problems such as air pollution, many traffic jams, accidents or reduced parking lots. It is a rising trend of buying cars which resulted a big amount of vehicles on the roads. First of all, the rising number of cars leads to more accidents on the roads or can complicate the movement from a place to another. Second of all, by not having enough parking lots, people usually park on sidewalks which has a bad impact on pedestrians by not giving them space to move. Furthermore, a high level of car application can pollute the fresh air in an overcrowded city. These problems can be solved by providing alternatives to the citizens, by developing trains, subways so that people can be encouraged to get out of their comfort zone and start using other ways of transportation. On the other hand, government should motivate citizens by providing them more and more bicycle roads and giving them offers which can change their minds and switching from car with this kind of option. Lastly, many cities started to come up with new ideas about shuttling the population and developing smart options. To conclude, the population should combine their forces and try to make a change for their own health and security, therefore the using of cars should be limited.
It
is believed
that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
increased in major cities which can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems such as air pollution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
traffic jams, accidents or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
parking lots.

It is a rising trend of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
which resulted a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of vehicles on the roads.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the rising number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
leads to more accidents on the roads or can complicate the movement from a place to another. Second of all, by not having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
parking lots,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
usually
park on sidewalks which has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on pedestrians by not giving them space to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
.
Furthermore
, a high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
application can pollute the fresh air in an overcrowded city.

These problems can
be solved
by providing alternatives to the citizens, by developing trains, subways
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of their comfort zone and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
using other ways of transportation.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should motivate citizens by providing them more and more bicycle roads and giving them offers which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their minds and switching from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
with this kind of option.
Lastly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about shuttling the population and developing smart options.

To conclude
, the population should combine their forces and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
health and security,
therefore
the using of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
should
be limited
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of cars has increased significantly in major cities. What problems does this cause and what are some solutions to these problems? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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