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It is better for college students to live far away from home than living at home with their parents. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

It is better for college students to live far away from home than living at home with their parents. v. 2
Moving towards the 21st century, many people are nowadays expressing a deeply growing concern about college students should live with their parents or living their own. In fact, there are some who hold firmly to their belief that living far away from home has a great contribution to college students. However, others argue convincingly that independence from their parents brings some negative ways when they studying at university. Therefore, some arguments both for and against this issue will be addressed in the following paragraphs. To begin with, there are two main points for people to defend the former argument. First of all, it is a well-documented fact that students can be responsible for their life. The most obvious example to prove is that in Europe countries, parents encourage their children to go out and living on their own when they reach out of eighteen years old. They must earn money to pay for the bills and have to decide their life. This helps them become more mature. Furthermore, there is no doubt that they should stay away from home and experience many challenges that they have never met before. For instance, they would have chances to built interpersonal relationships when living without parents. These social relationships could help students in their future careers later, as well as teach them how to communicate effectively and take care of their surroundings. On the other hand, there are two primary pieces of evidence for people to support the latter argument. First and foremost, it is commonly accepted that when their children live with parents then the family relationships are tight, especially between parents and their children. A clear example to prove is that in Asia countries, such as Vietnam, parents consider the family relationship is an important element in life. They want their children to live with them when they become adults in traditional culture in Vietnam, should protect and decide for the future of the children. Equally important, there is no denying that living and studying far away from home can be difficult for their children. This is supported by the fact that in Vietnam, parents always worry about their children, they can catch sickness or face various issues in their lives that they have never met before while they live far away home. Therefore, parents should live with their children in a crucial time of life. All things are considered, it is my strong belief that college students should live far away from home. Accordingly, I strongly believe the role of living with parents in children’s development.
Moving towards the 21st century,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are nowadays expressing a
deeply
growing concern about college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. In fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who hold
firmly
to their belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home has a great contribution to college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
, others argue
convincingly
that independence from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ways when
Did you mean "they're studying", "they are studying", or "they were studying"?
they studying
at university.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments both for and against this issue will
be addressed
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are two main points for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to defend the former argument.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is a well-documented fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can be responsible for their life. The most obvious example to prove is that in Europe countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to go out and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
when they reach out of eighteen years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
earn money to pay for the bills and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
decide their life. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them become more mature.
Furthermore
, there is no doubt that they should stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home and experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenges that they have never met
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
For instance
, they would have chances to built interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. These social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in their future careers later,
as well
as teach them how to communicate
effectively
and take care of their surroundings.

On the other hand
, there are two primary pieces of evidence for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to support the latter argument.
First
and foremost, it is
commonly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
then the family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
are tight,
especially
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example to prove is that in Asia countries, such as Vietnam,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
consider the family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
element in life. They want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with them when they become adults in traditional culture in Vietnam, should protect and decide for the future of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, there is no denying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
and studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home can be difficult for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This
is supported
by the fact that in Vietnam,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always worry about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they can catch sickness or face various issues in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
that they have never met
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
while they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
home.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in a crucial time of life.

All things
are considered
, it is my strong belief that college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home.
Accordingly
, I
strongly
believe the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for college students to live far away from home than living at home with their parents. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
426 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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