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Films and computer games containing violence are very popular now. Some people think that they have a negative effect on our society and should be banned. Other people say they are harmless relaxation. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Films and computer games containing violence are very popular now. Some people think that they have a negative effect on our society and should be banned. Other people say they are harmless relaxation. v. 2
Moving towards the 21st century, many people are today expressing a deeply growing concern about how products including violent content impact our character. Some hold firmly to their belief that violent products, such as games, films have impacts on the negative ways for people. However, others argue convincingly that computer games and films are considered the best way to relax. Therefore, some arguments both for and against this issue will be addressed in the following paragraphs. To begin with, there are two main points for people to defend the former argument that violent films and video games bring several drawbacks to our life. First of all, it is a well-documented fact that video games are addicting and once a child sits to play, time flies and everything else, such as studies and outdoor games are forgotten. The most obvious example to prove is that when children regularly play violent video games tend to be more aggressive and impulsive behaviors. Furthermore, there is no doubt that studies have shown that films and video games involving violent scenes have affected the psychology and behaviors. For instance, young’s characters become more promiscuous and this thing is responsible for the cruelty in kids. That’s why the crime rate increases and it is a great burden on society to deal with criminals. On the other hand, there are two primary pieces of evidence for people to support the latter argument that films and video games are mere medium mediums of enjoyment and relaxation. First and foremost, it is commonly accepted that video games and films are well-known to entertain ways in modern living. There is no doubt that after a busy schedule of the whole day, people need something to give them some relaxation and peace. Equally important, there is no denying that these modern games help children leaning better than before. This is supported by the fact that games provide practice in problem-solving, logic, reflexes, and visual skills. All things considered, it is my strong belief that video games and films should be monitored, because of the violent scenes in that it would produce misbehavior in children. It drops the quality of patience and tolerance in kids. Accordingly, I strongly recommend the governments should enhance people’s awareness in terms of society is need to control the influences of violent content. If this recommendation is carried out, the comprehensive development of our future generations will be ensured.
Moving towards the 21st century,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
expressing a
deeply
growing concern about how products including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
content impact our character.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
hold
firmly
to their belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
products, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, films have impacts on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ways for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, others argue
convincingly
that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and films
are considered
the best way to relax.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments both for and against this issue will
be addressed
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are two main points for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to defend the former argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
bring several drawbacks to our life.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is a well-documented fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are addicting and once a child sits to play, time flies and everything else, such as studies and outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are forgotten
. The most obvious example to prove is that when children
regularly
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
tend to be more aggressive and impulsive behaviors.
Furthermore
, there is no doubt that studies have shown that films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
scenes have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the psychology and behaviors.
For instance
, young’s characters become more promiscuous and this thing is responsible for the cruelty in kids. That’s why the crime rate increases and it is a great burden on society to deal with criminals.

On the other hand
, there are two primary pieces of evidence for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to support the latter argument that films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are mere medium mediums of enjoyment and relaxation.
First
and foremost, it is
commonly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and films are well-known to entertain ways in modern living. There is no doubt that after a busy schedule of the whole day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need something to give them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relaxation and peace.
Equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, there is no denying that these modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children leaning better than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This
is supported
by the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
provide practice in problem-solving, logic, reflexes, and visual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

All things considered, it is my strong belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and films should
be monitored
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
scenes in that it would produce misbehavior in children. It drops the quality of patience and tolerance in kids.
Accordingly
, I
strongly
recommend the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness in terms of society
is need
to control the influences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
content. If this recommendation
is carried
out, the comprehensive development of our future generations will
be ensured
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Films and computer games containing violence are very popular now. Some people think that they have a negative effect on our society and should be banned. Other people say they are harmless relaxation. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
402 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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