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Some people believe that studying at university college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both these views v.2

Some people believe that studying at university college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. 2
Moving towards the 21st century, many people are nowadays expressing a deeply growing concern about what is the path to prepare for a successful life. In fact, there are some who hold firmly to their belief that learning at the university level is well-known to be the only way for their profession. However, others argue convincingly that getting a job after graduated high school is the best preparation for young people. Therefore, some arguments both for and against this issue will be addressed in the following paragraphs. To begin with, there are two main points for people to defend the former argument that young people should keep going to study university level. It is a well-documented fact that a college education prepares young people to meet higher-level qualifications, which is what most employers expect these days. The most obvious example to prove is that a person graduated in a university usually gets a higher salary than those without a university education. Furthermore, there is no doubt that the job market is becoming more and more competitive and nowadays people are well-advised to get a degree, as hundreds of applicants often competing with others. For instance, having a degree is an obvious advantage that university graduates have. In Vietnam, students who graduate with a degree are highly paid and have an easy time getting a good job. On the other hand, there are two primary pieces of evidence for people to support the latter argument. First and foremost, it is commonly accepted the fact that working straight after graduation has a great contribution to their maturity. A clear example to prove is that young people will be able to earn money as soon as possible, whereas they might understand the values of the labor, so they will be able to live independently on their income. Equally important, there is no denying that a youth person who chooses to get a job instead of getting a higher education is likely to progress quickly in their career. This is supported by the fact that they can obtain a lot of experience and skills in their profession. All things considered, it seems that both working right after school and continuing higher-level studies each have their own advantages.
Moving towards the 21st century,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are nowadays expressing a
deeply
growing concern about what is the path to prepare for a successful life. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who hold
firmly
to their belief that learning at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
level is well-known to be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way for their profession.
However
, others argue
convincingly
that getting a job after
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduated from".
graduated
high school is the best preparation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments both for and against this issue will
be addressed
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are two main points for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to defend the former argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
going to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
level. It is a well-documented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that a college education prepares
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
higher-level qualifications, which is what most employers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
these days. The most obvious example to prove is that a person
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduated from".
graduated
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a higher salary than those without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education.
Furthermore
, there is no doubt that the job market is becoming more and more competitive and nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are well-advised to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a degree, as hundreds of applicants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
competing with others.
For instance
, having a degree is an obvious advantage that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduates have. In Vietnam, students who graduate with a degree are
highly
paid and have an easy time getting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job.

On the other hand
, there are two primary pieces of evidence for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to support the latter argument.
First
and foremost, it is
commonly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that working straight after graduation has a great contribution to their maturity. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example to prove is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be able to earn money as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible, whereas they might understand the values of the labor,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
on their income.
Equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, there is no denying that a youth person who chooses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job
instead
of getting a higher education is likely to progress
quickly
in their career. This
is supported
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that they can obtain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in their profession.

All things considered, it seems that both working right after school and continuing higher-level studies each have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people believe that studying at university college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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