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The news media have too much influence on people’s lives today and this is a negative development. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The news media have too much influence on people’s lives today and this is a negative development. v. 1
These days men and women are employed as full-time in many countries across the world. Although some believe it is inauthentic to distribute household chores, I, however, disagree with this perception for two reasons. One concern in term of dividing the domestic task is that it gives a sense of independence either to a husband or a wife. If both partners tend to do domestic work equally after their busy working schedule, they will find it easy to work smoothly and they are able to work solely. For example, if a wife has to go out to attend the business meeting or a training session by the company, the husband will not find it difficult to do the household task as he is quite habitual with domestic work independently. As a result, the household task seems to be working smoothly by any single or dual working partner. Sharing domestic task genuinely does not affect on employing couples work-life balance. This is because if a woman does all domestic work after her full-time employment, she might tend to be aggressive and cannot concentrate on the job as well as domestic task. As a result, she can quit the job. In contrast, if domestic work is shared by both employed partner, women often feel encouraged to do housework simultaneously office work too. For example, a survey conducted by BBC in Mumbai found that 83% of the dual working couple live their lives happily and blissfully due to sharing household chores. In conclusion, not only does the distribution of domestic task assist to be an independent person, but also helps juggle work-life balance. Therefore, I agree that men and women must share the household task logically.
These days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
are employed
as full-time in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries across the world. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe it is inauthentic to distribute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
chores, I,
however
, disagree with this perception for two reasons.

One concern in term of dividing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
is that it gives a sense of independence either to a husband or a wife. If both partners tend to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
equally
after their busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
schedule, they will find it easy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
smoothly and
they are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
solely
.
For example
, if a wife
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
go out to attend the business meeting or a training session by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, the husband will not find it difficult to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
as he is quite habitual with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
independently
.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
seems to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
smoothly
by any single or dual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
partner.

Sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
genuinely
does not
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on employing couples work-life balance. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if a woman does all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after her full-time employment, she might tend to be aggressive and cannot concentrate on the job
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
.
As a result
, she can quit the job.
In contrast
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is shared
by both employed partner, women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel encouraged to do housework
simultaneously
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
too.
For example
, a survey conducted by BBC in Mumbai found that 83% of the dual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
couple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
happily
and
blissfully
due to sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
chores.

In conclusion
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does the distribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
assist to be an independent person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
juggle work-life balance.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
share the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
logically
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The news media have too much influence on people’s lives today and this is a negative development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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