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Some people believe that studying at university college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both these views v.1

Some people believe that studying at university college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. 1
It is acknowledged that, nowadays, various kinds of unethical television programs, violent cartons and games broadcast on television and the Internet. Also, children indulge themselves in these types of activities. Although, there are unreliable content, illegal information and violent shows yet, kids feel entertained. Hence, exposure to such kind of media has severe impacts on overall development of youngsters. This essay will not only discuss the harmful effects of unnecessary exposure, but also suggest some ideas to ameliorate the situation. To begin with, there are various opposite effects of unethical TV shows on the upbringing of kids. Firstly, violent video games play a pivotal role in creating a negative mentality. Due to that, children get addicted in this kind of games and waste their precious time. Instead, of video games they can use their time for other productive causes. For example, in a recent survey find that 94% of ABPS school kids play destructive games PUB-G. In fact, this is a virtual game of war in which players kill each other. Secondly, in today’s scenario unethical content available online because of that, offspring can put themselves in sexual activities and also, can drug addictive. However, appropriate measures need to be taken to tackle this problem. Initially, that is to say, government should place restriction on the media industry as well as penalize who play this kind of content. For instance, in U. S government prohibits the broadcast of violent media on T. V it crate positive impacts on child development. In addition to this, parents also should pay attention towards their children how’s their kids are using the technology. In conclusion, while there are numerous negative effects of unethical media on the growth of youngsters, I think even with the help of government and parents we can improve this situation.
It
is acknowledged
that, nowadays, various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unethical
television programs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
cartons and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
broadcast on television and the Internet.
Also
, children indulge themselves in these types of activities. Although, there are unreliable content, illegal information and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
yet
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
feel entertained.
Hence
, exposure to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has severe impacts on
overall
development of youngsters. This essay will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
discuss the harmful effects of unnecessary exposure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to ameliorate the situation.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are various opposite effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unethical
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
on the upbringing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
play a pivotal role in creating a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
mentality. Due to that, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and waste their precious time.
Instead
, of video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their time for other productive causes.
For example
, in a recent survey find that 94% of
Possible spelling mistake found.
ABPS
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
play destructive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
PUB-G. In fact, this is a virtual game of war in which players kill each other.
Secondly
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s scenario
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unethical
content available online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that, offspring can put themselves in sexual activities and
also
, can drug addictive.

However
, appropriate measures need to
be taken
to tackle this problem.
Initially
,
that is
to say,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should place restriction on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
industry
as well
as penalize who play this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of content.
For instance
, in U. S
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
prohibits the broadcast of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
on T. V it
Did you mean "crates"?
crate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on child development.
In addition
to this, parents
also
should pay attention towards their children how’s their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are using the technology.

In conclusion
, while there are numerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unethical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
on the growth of youngsters, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
even with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and parents we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this situation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that studying at university college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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