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It is better for college students to live far away from home than living at home with their parents. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

It is better for college students to live far away from home than living at home with their parents. v. 1
In many countries, particularly places like Asia, skin whitening products are incredibly popular and provide huge profits for the companies involved in their sale. This essay will examine the reasons why people use these products and the effects this has on people’s health and on society. The principal reason that people use skin whitening products is because whiter skin is seen to be more desirable than darker skin. To understand why, we need to firstly look at history. In ancient times, those people of a higher status tended to stay indoors, whilst people of a lower status worked outside, usually farming. As a result, those people who were indoors had much lighter skin, which means that whiter skin is now associated with having a higher status than dark skin. Another reason, which is partly related to this, is the desire for the ‘Western’ look. For example, plastic surgery to create western eyelids and noses is common in Asia, and the white skin is part of this. These beliefs and images are also perpetuated in the media, with adverts showing people with white skin as more successful and attractive. However, despite the fact that having whiter skin may improve a person’s self-esteem, these products can have negative effects. Regarding health, there are reports that people are harming their skin permanently as some products bought over the counter have prescription-strength ingredients. For instance, some contain steroids or toxins which can severely damage the skin and other parts of the body. In terms of society, there are also detrimental effects. Such behaviour perpetuates the belief that ‘white’ is better than ‘black’, and thus those with darker skin may experience discrimination. In conclusion, people use whitening products due to the fact that white skin, usually through the media, is portrayed as more desirable. However, steps should be taken to change this image as the drawbacks of this are clear, with potentially dangerous consequences for people’s future health and society as a whole.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
particularly
places like Asia,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
whitening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are
incredibly
popular and provide huge profits for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
involved in their sale. This essay will examine the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and the effects this has on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health and on society.

The principal reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
whitening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
whiter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to be more desirable than darker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
. To understand why, we need to
firstly
look at history. In ancient times, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of a higher status tended to stay indoors, whilst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of a lower status worked outside,
usually
farming.
As a result
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were indoors had much lighter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
, which means that whiter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
associated with having a higher status than dark
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
. Another reason, which is partly related to this, is the desire for the ‘Western’ look.
For example
, plastic surgery to create western eyelids and noses is common in Asia, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
white
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
is part of this. These beliefs and images are
also
perpetuated in the media, with adverts showing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
white
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
as more successful and attractive.

However
, despite the fact that having whiter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
a person’s self-esteem, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. Regarding health, there are reports that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are harming their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
permanently
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
over the counter have prescription-strength ingredients.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
contain steroids or toxins which can
severely
damage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
and other parts of the body. In terms of society, there are
also
detrimental effects. Such
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
perpetuates the belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‘white’
is better than ‘black’, and
thus
those with darker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
may experience discrimination.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
whitening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
white
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
,
usually
through the media,
is portrayed
as more desirable.
However
, steps should
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this image as the drawbacks of this are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, with
potentially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
consequences for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
future health and society as a whole.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay It is better for college students to live far away from home than living at home with their parents. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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