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The news media have become too much influence in people lives today and this is a negative development. To what exent do you agree or disagree? v.3

The news media have become too much influence in people lives today and this is a negative development. To what exent v. 3
It is sometimes argued that the appearance of social media tends to be a negative impact on people’s lifestyle. While I agree with this point of view, I do not believe that mass media only brings us disadvantages. To begin with, there are some evidences illustrating the drawbacks of news media. On the first level of influence, it will be a deadly weapon since there are numerous fake news which will directly affect to private life of people, especially celebraties. For example, some singers in Korean are depression because of the pressure of media and dangerously, some of them choose the death. Secondly, some media contents are not suitable for children such as violence or prostitution and influence easily in children’s think and behaviour. Therefore, children’s access to such content can be difficult should be limited. However, the aforementioned reasons can be seen as oposite angle. Firstly, news media keep people not to be out-of-date. Due to the development of medias, people can easily access to the world at home such as current affairs, weather forecast… so distance is not a barrier. The second benefit is great in promoting mass consumer products because of the increase in advertisements in television and radio. As a result, this can in turn acceleration sales of the product. In conclusion, the development of news media has both beneficial and detrimental effects in people’s life.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that the appearance of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
tends to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
lifestyle. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view, I do not believe that mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brings us disadvantages.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
evidences illustrating the drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. On the
first
level of influence, it will be a deadly weapon since there are numerous fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
which will
directly
affect to private life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
Possible spelling mistake found.
celebraties
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
singers in Korean are depression
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the pressure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and
dangerously
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them choose the death.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
contents are not suitable for children such as violence or prostitution and influence
easily
in children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Therefore
, children’s access to such content can be difficult should
be limited
.

However
, the aforementioned reasons can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
oposite
angle.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not to be out-of-date. Due to the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medias
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
access to the world at home such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs, weather forecast…
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
distance is not a barrier. The second benefit is great in promoting mass consumer products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increase in advertisements in television and radio.
As a result
, this can in turn acceleration sales of the product.

In conclusion
, the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has both beneficial and detrimental effects in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay The news media have become too much influence in people lives today and this is a negative development. To what exent v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
230 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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