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The news media have become too much influence in people lives today and this is a negative development. To what exent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The news media have become too much influence in people lives today and this is a negative development. To what exent v. 2
There has been an evolution in the advertisement industry ever since few sports became very popular entertainment across the globe. I firmly agree that these days, products are being marketed without real requirements of the consumers. In this essay, I will describe about the different strategies that the companies follow to advertise goods. Firstly, consumers tend to fall for advertising gimmick. Companies are utilizing current popular events to attract the buyers. For example, IPL is a very famous and well known cricket tournament across the world. There will be frequent advertisements broadcasted in the television which will be viewed by millions of people. There are so many goods in the market which are useless and may cause harm to the consumers. Organizations will try to pitch in these kind of items during such popular games to grab consumers attention and will achieve high profit margins. Secondly, there are many local and online stores offering products for cheaper prices. It is often found that they are either not sold for a long time since stocked up or has a very low quality. They always make false promotions and fake discounts to invite people to buy from them. For example, many Indian apparel outlets offer huge discounts up to 50 percent during certain time of the year where people turn up in large numbers. On the other hand, these stores are removing original labels with actual amount and sticking fake labels with higher price. People do easily fall for these cheap tricks and often buy lots of goods without necessity. To conclude, the actual needs of society should be considered while manufacturing and marketing a product. Companies shouldn't misuse trending advertising mediums such as print and digital to magnify their goods. Buyers should also be aware of these cheap tricks and should sensibly purchase their needy items.
There has been an evolution in the advertisement industry ever since few sports became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular entertainment across the globe. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that these days, products are
being marketed
without real requirements of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
strategies that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
follow to advertise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
tend to fall for advertising gimmick.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
are utilizing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
popular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
to attract the buyers.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
IPL
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and well known cricket tournament across the world. There will be frequent advertisements broadcasted
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the television".
in the television
which will
be viewed
by millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in the market which are useless and may cause harm to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
. Organizations will try to pitch in
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of items during such popular games to grab
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
attention and will achieve high profit margins.

Secondly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
local and online stores offering products for cheaper prices. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
found that they are either not sold for a long time since stocked up or has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low quality. They always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
false promotions and fake discounts to invite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
from them.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Indian apparel outlets offer huge discounts up to 50 percent during certain time of the
It is better to use 'year' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "year when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
year where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
turn up in large numbers.
On the other hand
, these stores are removing original labels with actual amount and sticking fake labels with higher price.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do
easily
fall for these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
tricks and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
without necessity.

To conclude
, the actual needs of society should
be considered
while manufacturing and marketing a product.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
shouldn't misuse trending advertising mediums such as print and digital to magnify their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. Buyers should
also
be aware of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
tricks and should
sensibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their needy items.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The news media have become too much influence in people lives today and this is a negative development. To what exent v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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