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The natural resources such as oil and fresh water are being used at an alarming rate. what problem does it cause how can we solve this problems? v.1

The natural resources such as oil and fresh water are being used at an alarming rate. what problem does it cause how can we solve this problems? v. 1
In technological era, with increasing population in the world and rapid growth of industries. People use more natural resources such as oil and fresh water which, are using day by day. In this essay, I intend to explore the problems caused by the increased consumption of coat and fresh drink and suggest some solutions In the very first place, oil is the biggest source of energy for the developed and developing country. In other words, coat is a non renewable so it would be finished very soon because its demand very high. In addition, If oil disappears one day people will not able to travel. Factories, machines and cars will be useless without oil. Another big problem is pollution, which is caused by the need of grease. Overuse of It leads to more carbon dioxide emissions, which contaminates the air and become a cause of global warming. Simple measures can be taken to lessen its use. At an individual level, we can use more public transport than private vehicles apartment from that we have to change our luxury lifestyle. At government level, people can be educated and more effort can be done to research alternate sources of energy. What is more, water is the most precious commodity today without it we cannot live. We use it in our day to day life. For example, Some countries are struggling to get fresh water. If we do not use water respectively, we must get struggle to find freshwater so individuals have to control the use of water. In conclusion, although, oil and water are very much demand and necessary, we can use them very carefully for our better future.
In technological era, with increasing population in the world and rapid growth of industries.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more natural resources such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
which, are using day by day. In this essay, I intend to explore the problems caused by the increased consumption of coat and fresh drink and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions

In the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
is the biggest source of energy for the developed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
.
In other words
, coat is a
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non renewable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would
be finished
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
its demand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
addition, If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
disappears
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "one-day"
one day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will not able to travel. Factories, machines and cars will be useless without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem is pollution, which
is caused
by the need of grease. Overuse
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
of


It leads to more carbon dioxide emissions, which contaminates the air and become a cause of global warming. Simple measures can
be taken
to lessen its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. At an individual level, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more public transport than private
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "vehicles'" or "vehicle's"?
vehicles
apartment from that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our luxury lifestyle. At
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
level,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
be educated
and more effort can
be done
to research alternate sources of energy.

What is more
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is the most precious commodity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
without
Consider adding a comma here.
it
we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it in our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
countries are struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
. If we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
respectively
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
struggle to find freshwater
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
control the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of water.

In conclusion
, although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much demand and necessary, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
carefully
for our better future.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay The natural resources such as oil and fresh water are being used at an alarming rate. what problem does it cause how can we solve this problems? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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