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The natural resources such as oil, and fresh water are being consumed at an alarming rate. What problems does it cause? How can we solve these problems? v.2

The natural resources such as oil, and fresh water are being consumed at an alarming rate. What problems does it cause? How can we solve these problems? v. 2
Due to excessive population and widespread industrialization, it is evident that the natural resources such as oil, forest and fresh water are getting limited day by day. With implementing following steps, we can deplete our natural resources. This essay will discuss the problems and solutions to prevent the cause. Firstly, oil is the major non renewable source. The main cause for the same is excessive population. It is used in running vehicles, industries. For saving the oil people should start using public transportation. Furthermore, government should start reducing public transport fares, metro should start running 24x7, people should start doing carpooling. Otherwise oil will get finished soon. Secondly water, especially fresh water is another area of concern. There is no survival of life without water. Fresh water is depleting fast. Every individual should use water as an when required. For an example, in the last research, several cities were affected in India due to shortage of water. People did not had water to drink. Additionally, government should take serious steps to save the water such as rain water harvesting, proper dams construction. Lastly forest, because of deforestation animals are plants which gives us medicine and food are getting killed day by day. Trees absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen. Moreover, when trees are cuts, the soil is exposed to heavy rain and land sliding. Afforestation should be promoted as a solution such as plastic should be banned so that animals will be saved, use of less paper, plantation of more trees. In conclusion, if we have to survive, we should start consuming the natural resources such as oil, water and forests. Otherwise our future generation will be affected.
Due to excessive population and widespread industrialization, it is evident that the natural resources such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
, forest and fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
are getting limited day by day. With implementing following steps, we can deplete our natural resources. This essay will discuss the problems and solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the cause.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
is the major
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non renewable
source. The main cause for the same is excessive population.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in running vehicles, industries. For saving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
using public transportation.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
reducing public transport fares, metro should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
running
Replace by the typographical symbol.
24x7,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "going carpooling".
doing carpooling
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
finished
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Secondly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
,
especially
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is another area of concern. There is no survival of life without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
. Fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is depleting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
. Every individual should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
as
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
when required. For an example, in the last research, several cities were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
in India due to shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
did not
The verb 'did' requires the base form of the verb: "have"
had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
to drink.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take serious steps to save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
such as rain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
harvesting, proper dams construction.

Lastly
forest,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of deforestation animals are plants which gives us medicine and food are getting killed day by day. Trees absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen.
Moreover
, when trees are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
, the soil
is exposed
to heavy rain and land sliding. Afforestation should
be promoted
as a solution such as plastic should
be banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that animals will
be saved
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of less paper, plantation of more trees.

In conclusion
, if we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
survive, we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
consuming the natural resources such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
and forests.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
our future generation will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay The natural resources such as oil, and fresh water are being consumed at an alarming rate. What problems does it cause? How can we solve these problems? v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
278 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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