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The natural resources such as oil, and fresh water are being consumed at an alarming rate. What problems does it cause? How can we solve these problems? v.1

The natural resources such as oil, and fresh water are being consumed at an alarming rate. What problems does it cause? How can we solve these problems? v. 1
It is argued that art is considered as the least earning profession which makes it difficult for artists to proceed with their work hence the government ought to support artists financially. I would agree that the state should not just provide financial assistance to artists, but also take measures to make art a reasonably paid profession. To begin with, art is an important component of any culture which contributes to the development of an intellectually sound society. Art offers an opportunity for people not only to get inspired by the enlightening ideas and thoughts, but also persuade them to reflect and form their perspective on certain social issues. For example, some critical social problems affecting society are often highlighted by different artworks such as theatre plays and art exhibitions. These events require significant resources which artists cannot bear on their own, but financial assistance from the government can make a big difference. Moreover, besides financial support for art events, the state should also take drastic measures to make the art a financially viable profession. Public and private partnerships should be formed to integrate art with other fields by focusing on the practical applications of art. For instance, architecture and design are not just limited to construction and automobile sectors. They can play a crucial role in gadgets of our daily use such as cell phones, computers, and other appliances. This inclusion of art can not only create multiple career opportunities for artists, but also contribute significantly to the economy. In conclusion, while other people’s opinion may vary, in my opinion, the state should not just support artists financially, but also take steps to promote art as a viable profession.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is considered
as the least earning profession which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
it difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
to proceed with their work
hence
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
ought to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
financially
. I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the state should not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
provide financial assistance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
take measures to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
a
reasonably
paid profession.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
component of any culture which contributes to the development of an
intellectually
sound society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
offers an opportunity for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspired by the enlightening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and thoughts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
persuade them to reflect and form their perspective on certain social issues.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
critical social problems affecting society are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
highlighted by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
artworks such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
plays and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
exhibitions. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
require significant resources which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
cannot bear on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
financial assistance from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
difference.

Moreover
,
besides
financial support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, the state should
also
take drastic measures to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
a
financially
viable profession. Public and private partnerships should
be formed
to integrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
with other fields by focusing on the practical applications of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
For instance
, architecture and design are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
limited to construction and automobile sectors. They can play a crucial role in gadgets of our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such as cell phones, computers, and other appliances. This inclusion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
create multiple career opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
contribute
significantly
to the economy.

In conclusion
, while other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s opinion may vary, in my opinion, the state should not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
financially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
take steps to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as a viable profession.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay The natural resources such as oil, and fresh water are being consumed at an alarming rate. What problems does it cause? How can we solve these problems? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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