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Some people say modern innovations bring a lot of problems than benefits. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say modern innovations bring a lot of problems than benefits. v. 1
In my opinion modern innovations bring more benefits than problems so I disagree with the opposite idea. I can name an example such as e-shopping which now day is very popular in our society. It allows to buy anything that you need in less than two minutes through internet and it is pretty simple. Moreover you could get access to products that are not available in your city or country, for instance, I am used to buy computer science books that are not available in Ireland or sometimes when my budget allow me I buy some electronic stuff related to IOT (Internet of Things). The negative side of e-shopping could be that people often feel more comfortable when buying without human interaction, so it increases the level of isolation of a person. Another modern innovation is the smartphone, it is a tool that everybody need which makes our life simpler and allow us to do almost everything from access to our emails, chat with anyone of your friend or family members wherever you are, book a taxi, buying flight tickets, GPS navigation, e-shopping and so on. But well it is so useful that it creates a feeling in us that we cannot live without it and despite of the fact that it connect us it also makes people to live in a more isolated way. To conclude modern innovations bring us many benefits and it will bring more in the future, but we have to be responsible about how to use those innovations.
In my opinion modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
bring more benefits than problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I disagree with the opposite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. I can name an example such as e-shopping which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
day is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular in our society. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything that you need in less than two minutes through internet and it is pretty simple.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
you could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to products that are not available in your city or country,
for instance
, I am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
computer science books that are not available in Ireland or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
when my budget
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
electronic stuff related to IOT (Internet of Things).

The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side of e-shopping could be that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel more comfortable when buying without human interaction,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it increases the level of isolation of a person.

Another modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovation
is the smartphone, it is a tool that everybody need which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our life simpler and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to do almost everything from access to our emails, chat with anyone of your friend or family members wherever you are, book a taxi, buying flight tickets, GPS navigation, e-shopping and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
well it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
useful that it creates a feeling in us that we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without it and
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
the fact that it connect us it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a more isolated way.

To conclude
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
bring us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits and it will bring more in the future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be responsible about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Some people say modern innovations bring a lot of problems than benefits. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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