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Parent often give children everything they ask for and do what they like. Is it good for children? What are the consequences when they grow up? v.1

Parent often give children everything they ask for and do what they like. Is it good for children? What are the consequences when they grow up? v. 1
It is argued that countries should allocate more funds on education than on leisure and competitive games. In my opinion, I firmly agree with this notion because quality education is largely favourable to a country’s economy as well as the society. To begin with, investment in the learning system of a country is the key to its economic progression. In other words, with better levels of education, the workforce would be enriched with better skills and high productivity, which inevitably aids in fostering economic growth. For instance, as per a study conducted by the University of Queensland, the high level of economic growth in the USA is linked with larger budget allocation on enhancing schools and universities. Admittedly, sports and play are also important for people, but education is the most important in fostering economic growth. Further, quality education contributes to the social well- being as well. Well educated people are more aware of social evils such as drugs and tend to stay away from being addicted, which undeniably contribute to create a better society. To illustrate, Singapore is ranked top in quality education, which has directly related in producing a remarkable low rate of drug addiction in comparison with the peer countries. Despite the above, sports teaches moral qualities, which helps to foster social well-being. However, in my opinion, countries would not be able harness such benefits, if the citizens are uneducated and in poverty. To conclude, although there are contradicting arguments on the administrative fund allocation, I believe the most viable option is to focus on education since it brings many economic and social benefits for a nation.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should allocate more funds on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
than on leisure and competitive games. In my opinion, I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
largely
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as the society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, investment in the learning system of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is the key to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progression.
In other words
, with better levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, the workforce would
be enriched
with better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and high productivity, which
inevitably
aids in fostering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth.
For instance
, as per a study conducted by the University of Queensland, the high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth in the USA
is linked
with larger budget allocation on enhancing schools and universities.
Admittedly
, sports and play are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in fostering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth.

Further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
contributes to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well-
being as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
.
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Well educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
evils such as drugs and tend to stay away from
being addicted
, which
undeniably
contribute to create a better society. To illustrate, Singapore
is ranked
top in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, which has
directly
related in producing a remarkable low rate of drug addiction
in comparison
with the peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Despite the above, sports teaches moral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to foster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
well-being.
However
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would not be
The preposition 'to' is required in front of the verb 'harness'.
able harness
such benefits, if the citizens
are uneducated
and in poverty.

To conclude
, although there are contradicting arguments on the administrative fund allocation, I believe the most viable option is to focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
since it brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
benefits for a nation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Parent often give children everything they ask for and do what they like. Is it good for children? What are the consequences when they grow up? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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