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The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems and what measures can be taken to solve this problem. v.1

The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems and what measures can be taken to solve this problem. v. 1
Many people, nowadays, transmigrate to the metropolitan because they think in a town there more chances to work. However, this inflicts many detrimental repercussions. This essay will discuss the solution and foible of this phenomenon. To begin with, the primary reason due to the occurrence of transmigration is the explosion of inhabitants. Many people live in the city; in contrast, the village's inhabitants only a few compared with the city's. Therefore, when transmigration occurred, the unbalance of civilians was inflicted. The more people in a place, the chance of pollution occurred is higher. Also, job vacancies will be restricted too. Inhibiting the transmigration trends and multiply job vacancies in the village are the best measure to decrease this problem. When the government restricts the urbanization, overpopulated will not be occurring. Moreover, pollution can be accessible to eradicate. The extended workplace in the rural will increase villagers' finances. Public facilities will get some improvement too. Because when there are more people in an area, the government will make the facilities aggrandize. For instance, the bus stop will be created to prevent traffic jams. In conclusion, urbanization is inflicted because of the explosion of people. However, limit the progress of urban people will be the best way to eradicate this matter.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, nowadays, transmigrate to the metropolitan
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in a town there more chances to work.
However
, this inflicts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
detrimental repercussions. This essay will discuss the solution and foible of this phenomenon.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the primary reason due to the occurrence of transmigration is the explosion of inhabitants.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the city;
in contrast
, the village's inhabitants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few compared with the city's.
Therefore
, when transmigration occurred, the unbalance of civilians
was inflicted
. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a place, the chance of pollution occurred is higher.
Also
, job vacancies will
be restricted
too.

Inhibiting the transmigration trends and multiply job vacancies in the village are the best measure to decrease this problem. When the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
restricts the urbanization, overpopulated will not be occurring.
Moreover
, pollution can be accessible to eradicate. The extended workplace in the rural will increase villagers' finances. Public facilities will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
improvement too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
when there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in an area, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the facilities aggrandize.
For instance
, the bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
will
be created
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
traffic jams.

In conclusion
, urbanization
is inflicted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the explosion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, limit the progress of urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be the best way to eradicate this matter.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems and what measures can be taken to solve this problem. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
209 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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