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The movement of people from agricultural areas to big cities caused problems im both palces. In your oponion, what is the reason for this problem? How can it be solved? v.1

The movement of people from agricultural areas to big cities caused problems im both palces. In your oponion, what is the reason for this problem? How can it be solved? v. 1
Nowadays, migrating has become a problem in a society. More individuals tend to transfer from an agricultural area to an urban area, this cause some consequence for both places. This essay will discuss some of the problem of migration and offer some suggestions to address this issue. The reason why people are left in agricultural place and move to bustling city is because of scarcity and finding better opportunities in big cities. While more individuals are moving into the urban area, the populace is increasing and it can lead to overpopulation. Overpopulation will cause some problems like air pollution, because of the number of vehicles are present in the cities. Another is, high energy consumption, due to the high population and demand of the urban environment. On the other hand, moving out of the agricultural place will lead to depletion of farming and affects local industry. Food production will be lessen like crops, vegetables and rice, and it can hinder the local economy. In terms of a solution, I suggest that the government will introduce new laws that will imply to farmers, like decreasing the taxes, and giving some incentives, to encourage them to work hard in farming. The government should allocate some budget to purchase land for the farmers, to help the farmers to get out of poverty. Also, build some basic infrastructure, schools, hospital, shopping centre so that the people from rural areas will not move to big cities to earn money and to have a good life. It will also lessen the populace in an urban area if the rural area is also growing in terms in livelihood and the local economy. To sum it all up, while urbanization is growing, both agricultural and big cities will have a problem. Government has the role in controlling people to migrate from the rural to urban.
Nowadays, migrating has become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in a society. More individuals tend to transfer from an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, this cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consequence for both places. This essay will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of migration and offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggestions to address this issue.

The reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
place and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to bustling city is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of scarcity and finding better opportunities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. While more individuals are moving into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, the populace is increasing and it can lead to overpopulation. Overpopulation will cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like air pollution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the number of vehicles are present in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. Another is, high energy consumption, due to the high population and demand of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
environment.
On the other hand
, moving out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
place will lead to depletion of farming and affects local industry. Food production will be
Consider using the past participle "lessened"?
lessen
like crops, vegetables and rice, and it can hinder the local economy.

In terms of a solution, I suggest that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will introduce new laws that will imply to farmers, like decreasing the taxes, and giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
incentives, to encourage them to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in farming. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
budget to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
land for the farmers, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the farmers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of poverty.
Also
, build
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic infrastructure, schools, hospital, shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to earn money and to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life. It will
also
lessen the populace in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
if the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
is
also
growing in terms in livelihood and the local economy.

To sum it all up, while urbanization is growing, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
has the role in controlling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to migrate from the rural to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay The movement of people from agricultural areas to big cities caused problems im both palces. In your oponion, what is the reason for this problem? How can it be solved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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