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The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems and what measures can be taken to solve this problem. v.2

The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems and what measures can be taken to solve this problem. v. 2
Many people, these days, are migrating from the rural areas to the urban settings for better work opportunities. However, this transition can become an underlying cause of major issues for both the places. This essay will discuss those problems and will propose measures to ameliorate the situation. First and foremost, owing to the increasing number of people moving towards mega cities, the pressure on basic amenities, such as, water, clean air to breath and accommodation is dramatically increasing. Consequently, the living standard of the cities is decreasing. For instance, Mumbai city in India welcomes around 1 million people each year, and as the living grounds and water supply is limited in the city, slum areas have grown there and water scarcity is one of the major problems in the city. Secondly, as people are ambitious these days and moving towards metropolitan areas, the growth of the urban areas has come to a halt. As the government mostly neglects the areas where only a handful of people dwell, such places have been deprived of development. To solve such issues, the government should put more emphasis on developing the agricultural areas. They should focus on generating better job opportunities in such areas so that people should not be willing to move out in search of better life. Secondly, the government should also set a threshold on the number of people entering a city according to the resources available there. For example, Canada has started a program to promote settlement in suburban areas so that Ontario province can become less populated. In conclusion, as more individuals are moving from agricultural areas to big cities, the load on natural resources is increasing and the development of rural areas is not being done. But these problems are not insurmountable, and can be tackled if the authorities start taking initiatives and take above mentioned measures.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, these days, are migrating from the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to the urban settings for better work opportunities.
However
, this transition can become an underlying cause of major issues for both the places. This essay will discuss those problems and will propose measures to ameliorate the situation.

First
and foremost, owing to the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
moving towards mega
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, the pressure on basic amenities, such as, water, clean air to breath and accommodation is
dramatically
increasing.
Consequently
, the living standard of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is decreasing.
For instance
, Mumbai city in India welcomes around 1 million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
each year, and as the living grounds and water supply
is limited
in the city, slum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
have grown there and water scarcity is one of the major problems in the city.
Secondly
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are ambitious these days and moving towards metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, the growth of the urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to a halt. As the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
mostly
neglects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a handful of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dwell, such places have
been deprived
of development.

To solve such issues, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should put more emphasis on developing the agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. They should focus on generating better job opportunities in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not be willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out in search of better life.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
set a threshold on the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
entering a city according to the resources available there.
For example
, Canada has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a program to promote settlement in suburban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that Ontario province can become less populated.

In conclusion
, as more individuals are moving from agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, the load on natural resources is increasing and the development of rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is not
being done
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
these problems are not insurmountable, and can
be tackled
if the authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
taking initiatives and take above mentioned measures.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems and what measures can be taken to solve this problem. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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