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6. The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problem in both places. What are the serious problems? What measures can be used to solve these problems? v.1

6. The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problem in both places. What are the serious problems? What measures can be used to solve these problems? v. 1
Some people in rural areas intend to move to the cities for a reason for getting an expected job. This tendency will be affected to a great issue for the urban and the agricultural areas. This essay will analyse this phenomenon as well as presenting effects and effective solutions for their common issue. The main problem of this urbanization is overpopulation in urban areas which can lead to the lack of adequate housing and this could result in destruction of green space since the building houses would be vital to provide. Moreover, the safety of inhabitants of cities could be dangerous as many new individuals from out of the cities would be coming with their different characters. The issue is that the urban residents tend to suffer from social problem such as high crime and the obvious social discrepancy among them. Ultimately, the air pollution in the cities would be poor, due to the increase number of vehicles which can also refer to the huge congestion. Hence, the city atmosphere can be unhealthy and stressful. However, there are several steps to overcome these issues. First and foremost, the government also should provide a great opportunity in the villages. By providing the employment chance for the society there through developing and innovating the enterprise system. To exemplify, the authority could facilitate the farming activity, which would make them attractive to improve their skill without need to move to the cities. Besides, offering the basic facilities including transportation, water, and electricity could be pivotal to control the urbanization, as long as free education and health services could be provided. By way of conclusion, the rate of urbanization is rapidly increasing. This has to be controlled by the policy maker through enhancing the quality life in both places.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in rural areas intend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for a reason for getting an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
job. This tendency will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
to a great issue for the urban and the agricultural areas. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
this phenomenon
as well
as presenting effects and effective solutions for their common issue.

The main problem of this urbanization is overpopulation in urban areas which can lead to the lack of adequate housing and this could result in destruction of green space since the building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
would be vital to provide.
Moreover
, the safety of inhabitants of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new individuals from out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
would be coming with their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
characters. The issue is that the urban residents tend to suffer from social problem such as high crime and the obvious social discrepancy among them.
Ultimately
, the air pollution in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
would be poor, due to the increase number of vehicles which can
also
refer to the huge congestion.
Hence
, the city atmosphere can be unhealthy and stressful.

However
, there are several steps to overcome these issues.
First
and foremost, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
should provide a great opportunity in the villages. By providing the employment chance for the society there through developing and innovating the enterprise system. To exemplify, the authority could facilitate the farming activity, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them attractive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
without need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
Besides
, offering the basic facilities including transportation, water, and electricity could be pivotal to control the urbanization, as long as free education and health services could
be provided
.

By way of conclusion, the rate of urbanization is
rapidly
increasing. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be controlled
by the
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy maker
through enhancing the quality life in both places.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay 6. The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problem in both places. What are the serious problems? What measures can be used to solve these problems? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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