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The most important decision that young people have to follow is what career to choose. do you agree or disagree? v.1

The most important decision that young people have to follow is what career to choose. v. 1
Now, The young generation has to decide the most crucial decision about their life that what career path to choose for their future. Because, This is the time when you decide what will you do in your future to earn money for you and support your family. I totally agree with it. Firstly, Suggestion from my side of young people that stay calm in this process and then decide in their mind what is my strength and my weakness? After work up on this, They have to think that which is proper field which one they love to select for the rest of their life without feeling any depression and stress. Simply, Think twice and then select a proper field which you can think of your own development and growth. Secondly, not run and think after what other people and my friend chose. It is your major decision for your whole life so you did not waste your time to see what others do. Find your strong zone and work on them for you, better grow and also better for future. On the other hand, Do not get empathised yourself while set your career. Furthermore, Not listen what your parents and relative force to do something instead of you do not like that thing for your career. Because, This is your chance whether do it for your own and makes your future bright or else screw it everything and then apologies for yourself for the entire life. To conclude, The major decision for the young generation is definitely about their career and future scope. I recommend that all parents should support their children for whatever they do. I completely agree with this.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, The young generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
decide the most crucial decision about their life that what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path to choose for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, This is the time when you decide what will you do in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
to earn money for you and support your family. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it.

Firstly
, Suggestion from my side of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that stay calm in this process and then decide in their mind what is my strength and my weakness? After work up on this, They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that which is proper field which one they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to select for the rest of their life without feeling any depression and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Simply
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Think
twice and then select a proper field which you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
of your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
development and growth.

Secondly
, not run and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
after what other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and my friend chose. It is your major decision for your whole life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you did not waste your time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what others do. Find your strong zone and work on them for you, better grow and
also
better for future.

On the other hand
, Do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake. 'empathised' is British English.
empathised
yourself while set your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
Furthermore
, Not listen what your parents and relative force to do something
instead
of you do not like that thing for your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, This is your chance whether do it for your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
bright or else screw
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'it'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
it everything
and then apologies for yourself for the entire life.

To conclude
, The major decision for the young generation is definitely about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
scope. I recommend that all parents should support their children for whatever they do. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The most important decision that young people have to follow is what career to choose. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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