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Describe a major decision you have taken in your life. You should say: – What the decision was– What other choices were available to you– Why you made the decision you didAnd explain if you think the decision was a good one. v.1

Describe a major decision you have taken in your life. You should say: – What the decision was– What other choices were available to you– Why you made the decision you didAnd explain if you think the decision was a good one. v. 1
People have different views about what is the main goal of education. While some people argue that the main aim of studying is to have useful citizens, I believe that education can help people to achieve their potentials. On the one hand, there are those who claim that making helpful citizens to be beneficial for society is a key purpose of education. Firstly, as education provides people with essential knowledge, skills and qualification, people can seek employment more easily to sustain their lives. As a result, they can earn money by themselves without depending on social benefits, which may reduce a heavy financial burden on the government and taxpayers. Secondly, since schools usually offer ethical subjects to students, they can gain a deep knowledge of laws and are able to distinguish right from wrong actions. For example, in ethics classes, students are often heard the real stories about the severe consequences of illegal actions. This can contribute significantly to a reduction in crime rate. On the other hand, I agree with those who believe that the main propose of education is to help people to achieve personal desires. Primarily, thanks to education, people can have access to different learning fields that they are interested in. Therefore, this could help them to be well-prepared for their chosen future career. In addition, as people with good education and qualifications may find it easy to have a successful career with powerful jobs such as doctors, lawyers, and scientists, they are more likely to have a higher status in society. This helps them to receive others’ respect. In conclusion, while the major aim of education is to make citizens useful to society, I agree with the idea that it can also help people to reach their personal goals.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about what is the main goal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the main aim of studying is to have useful citizens, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to achieve their potentials.

On the one hand, there are those who claim that making helpful citizens to be beneficial for society is a key purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Firstly
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with essential knowledge,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and qualification,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can seek employment more
easily
to sustain their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
As a result
, they can earn money by themselves without depending on social benefits, which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
a heavy financial burden on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and taxpayers.
Secondly
, since schools
usually
offer ethical subjects to students, they can gain a deep knowledge of laws and are able to distinguish right from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
actions.
For example
, in ethics classes, students are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
heard the real stories about the severe consequences of illegal actions. This can contribute
significantly
to a reduction in crime rate.

On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who believe that the main propose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to achieve personal desires.
Primarily
, thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have access to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
learning fields that they
are interested
in.
Therefore
, this could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to be well-prepared for their chosen future career.
In addition
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and qualifications may find it easy to have a successful career with powerful jobs such as doctors, lawyers, and scientists, they are more likely to have a higher status in society. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to receive others’ respect.

In conclusion
, while the major aim of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
citizens useful to society, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to reach their personal goals.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Describe a major decision you have taken in your life. You should say: – What the decision was– What other choices were available to you– Why you made the decision you didAnd explain if you think the decision was a good one. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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