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The money spent by governments on space programs would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The money spent by governments on space programs would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. v. 2
Having information about universal needs to spend huge amount of money, however, financial supports for discovering the space can employ for essential subjects at public. I completely disagree with the given statement on the basis of progress science and financial benefits. To begin with, the main reason is that space is full of undiscovered scientific subjects. By reaching new knowledge behind these issues, it will be possible not only discover the new world, but reach science which humans has always dreamed about that. For instance, people always dream to go moon. In this regards, scientists can utilize new uncovered sciences to make the earth new place to live. Thus, the earth is a small part of the world and under no circumstances is it acceptable to deny space. In addition, another reason to invest in space programs is that space can have more financial benefits, which means cover all the money spent on that. For example, the moon is full of elements that they are rare on earth. By discovering and extracting of these elements, a new generation of technologies can develop economic of countries. Moreover, these space base technologies can enhance job opportunities by establishing new types of careers such as travel to space and satellites. So, it will be worthwhile to research on space as if we already lived there. To conclude, I personally take the view that it is acceptable to spend money for space base programs because it is full of vital sources and scientist can discover new technologies. It would be highly recommended that government authorities share and report annually to public that how much they spent on the space program.
Having information about universal needs to spend huge amount of money,
however
, financial supports for discovering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
can employ for essential subjects at public. I completely disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement on the basis of progress science and financial benefits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
is full of undiscovered scientific subjects. By reaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
knowledge behind these issues, it will be possible not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
discover the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
reach science which humans
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "have", "haven".
has
always dreamed about that.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always dream to go moon. In
Did you mean "these"?
this
regards, scientists can utilize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
uncovered sciences to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the earth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
Thus
, the earth is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
part of the world and under no circumstances is it acceptable to deny space.

In addition
, another reason to invest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
programs is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
can have more financial benefits, which means cover all the money spent on that.
For example
, the moon is full of elements that they are rare on earth. By discovering and extracting of these elements, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation of technologies can develop economic of countries.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
base technologies can enhance job opportunities by establishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
types of careers such as travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
and satellites.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it will be worthwhile to research on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
as if we already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
there.

To conclude
, I
personally
take the view that it is acceptable to spend money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
base programs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is full of vital sources and scientist can discover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technologies. It would be
highly
recommended that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authorities share and report
annually
to public that how much they spent on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
program.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The money spent by governments on space programs would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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