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Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good while others think there are advantages to this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion v.23

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good while others think there are advantages to this. 23
Recent years have witnessed more financial assistance given to sports by various companies. In my opinion, this trend has both benefits and drawbacks, and there is a need for strict regulations to sport sponsorship. On the one hand, sponsorship of sports has certain advantages. Initially, it benefits players, teams, and clubs in terms of finance. It is obvious that sports need money for performance improvement. If a player desires to compete at a higher level, he needs investment in training and equipment. In this case, state funding may be insufficient and sponsorship from corporations plays a vital role. Second, sports funding is a brilliant marketing strategy. Through sports, companies can connect with spectators, viewers, and general public to promote their brand and improve sales. On the other hand, there could be several negative impacts on sports sponsorship. The first one regards the uneven distribution of fund among different types of sports. A research concluded that more popular sports such as soccer and baseball often receive much more money than other sports. In the long term, it could lead to the end of several sports due to inadequate investment. Additionally, players and teams are usually under the control of their sponsor companies. They have to obey the investors in choosing sports outfits or even personal items. In conclusion, financial assistance is beneficial for the development of sports and sponsors. However, all activities in sports sponsorship should be strictly regulated to ensure that the freedom and privacy in sports are not invaded.
Recent years have witnessed more financial assistance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
by various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. In my opinion, this trend has both benefits and drawbacks, and there is a need for strict regulations to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
sponsorship.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sponsorship
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
has certain advantages.
Initially
, it benefits players, teams, and clubs in terms of finance. It is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
need money for performance improvement. If a player desires to compete at a higher level, he needs investment in training and equipment.
In this case
, state funding may be insufficient and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sponsorship
from corporations plays a vital role. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
funding is a brilliant marketing strategy. Through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can connect with spectators, viewers, and
Consider using "public".
general public
to promote their brand and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
sales.

On the other hand
, there could be several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sponsorship
. The
first
one regards the uneven distribution of fund among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
concluded that more popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as soccer and baseball
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
receive much more money than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In the long term, it could lead to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
due to inadequate investment.
Additionally
, players and teams are
usually
under the control of their sponsor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
obey the investors in choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
outfits or even personal items.

In conclusion
, financial assistance is beneficial for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and sponsors.
However
, all activities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sponsorship
should be
strictly
regulated to ensure that the freedom and privacy in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are not invaded.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good while others think there are advantages to this. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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