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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission outweighthe diadvantages? v. 151 v.41

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission outweighthe diadvantages? v. 151 v. 41
Entrance to museums are either free or have an admission fee, there are advantages of having it that could outweigh the disadvantages. I believe that there are more benefits of enabling a tariff for visitors. Museums are institutions that provide knowledge to the society and add value to it, due to which it is important that they are maintained well and kept in good condition for visitors to have a good experience. Having an entrance charge, would allow the management to have enough funds to maintain and keep up with the quality of experience that is expected by visitors. In addition, having a menial charge would also help them bring more artefacts. For example, all heritage spots have a tariff, which assists in the restoration of the site, as these structures are probably 1000's of years old. On the contrary, when museums have free entry, it provides access to all strata of people, which would have a higher educational value, giving equal opportunity to all. As museums provide information on heritage, it would be beneficial for people to have free access, although this would mean the museum would be maintained by the Government. The Government would be using the tax received from citizens to fund the museum, which may or may not be acceptable due to varied interests by locals. Due to which, the Government would eventually have to introduce an entry charge for maintenance of facilities. For instance, some of the heritage sites, that were managed by the Government was handed over to private companies, as they were not being maintained and falling apart. These private companies then added an entry tariff, which reduced the number of visitors. To conclude, having an entrance payment, which is menial, would support the Government and Management to maintain the museum while also allow visitors of all strata to afford it. In addition, providing special discounts to students and locals would encourage more people to visit, widening the opportunity for education.
Entrance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are either free or have an admission fee, there are advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
it that could outweigh the disadvantages. I believe that there are more benefits of enabling a tariff for visitors.

Museums are institutions that provide knowledge to the society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
value to it, due to which it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that they
are maintained
well and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition for visitors to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
experience.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
an entrance charge, would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the management to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
funds to maintain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the quality of experience
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
by visitors.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a menial charge would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them bring more
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
.
For example
, all heritage spots have a tariff, which assists in the restoration of the site, as these structures are
probably
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1000s".
1000's
of years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

On the contrary
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
have free entry, it provides access to all strata of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which would have a higher educational value, giving equal opportunity to all. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
provide information on heritage, it would be beneficial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have free access, although this would mean the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
would
be maintained
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
would be using the tax received from citizens to fund the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, which may or may not be acceptable due to varied interests by locals. Due to which, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
would
eventually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
introduce an entry charge for maintenance of facilities.
For instance
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
heritage sites, that
were managed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
was handed
over to private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, as they were not
being maintained
and falling apart. These private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
an entry tariff, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the number of visitors.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
an entrance payment, which is menial, would support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
and Management to maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
while
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
visitors of all strata to afford it.
In addition
, providing special discounts to students and locals would encourage more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to visit, widening the opportunity for education.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission outweighthe diadvantages? v. 151 v. 41

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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