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The money spent by governments on space programs would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The money spent by governments on space programs would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. v. 1
In recent decades, housing scarcity in metropolitan areas has been receiving a great deal of public attention. While some assert that only government has the power to solve this problem, I disagree with this view and I believe that this issue should also be addressed by the private sector. On the one hand, The authority’s role in balancing demand and supply in housing is indisputable. First, since the politics has the ultimate right in land management with the huge resources from the national budget from tax collection, the state can build social housing at low prices coupled with the financial package for people with low income to afford their apartments with mortgage loans. Consequently, these actions are able to reduce the lack of housing in the metropolis. Second, local authorities could encourage companies to move their business to rural areas so that suburban dwellers would no longer have to commute to city centre to work, which in turn reduces urban population density. On the other hand, private real estate corporations are also a necessary driving force behind the supply of more housing. First, in order to decline the lack of affordable housing, people may opt to live in other cities when the metropolis that they are working becomes crowded. For example, in recent years, a tremendously higher number of people from big cities such as Hanoi capital or Hochiminh city move to Danang city because they believe that they could get better chances to afford houses while still maintaining their living conditions. Second, if individuals only buy houses or lands for the purpose of living, asset bubbles would not happen and real estate companies would be forced to decrease property prices to survive in the market. This means that those cities would become more livable for everyone, not just the super-rich. In conclusion, the lack of housing is a complex problem which requires a combination of both the union and individuals provide for the diverse needs of people. By making these solutions, housing problems in major cities will reduce considerably.
In recent decades, housing scarcity in metropolitan areas has been receiving a great deal of public attention. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
assert that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has the power to solve this problem, I disagree with this view and I believe that this issue should
also
be addressed
by the private sector.

On the one hand, The authority’s role in balancing demand and supply in housing is indisputable.
First
, since the politics has the ultimate right in land management with the huge resources from the national budget from tax collection, the state can build social housing at low prices coupled with the financial package for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with low income to afford their apartments with mortgage loans.
Consequently
, these actions are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the lack of housing in the metropolis. Second, local authorities could encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
their business to rural areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that suburban dwellers would no longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
commute to city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
to work, which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
urban population density.

On the other hand
, private real estate corporations are
also
a necessary driving force behind the supply of more housing.
First
, in order to decline the lack of affordable housing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may opt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
when the metropolis that they are working becomes crowded.
For example
, in recent years, a
tremendously
higher number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
such as Hanoi capital or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hochiminh
city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Danang
city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better chances to afford
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
while
still
maintaining their living conditions. Second, if individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
or lands for the purpose of living, asset bubbles would not happen and real estate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
would
be forced
to decrease property prices to survive in the market. This means that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
would become more livable for everyone, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the super-rich.

In conclusion
, the lack of housing is a complex problem which requires a combination of both the union and individuals provide for the diverse needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. By making these solutions, housing problems in major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
considerably
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay The money spent by governments on space programs would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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