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The media tends to focus on problems rather than positive developments. Some people think that this is harmful to individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The media tends to focus on problems rather than positive developments. Some people think that this is harmful to individuals and society. v. 1
It is said that these days, the media tend to concentrate much on issues and emergencies instead of interesting in great development, which could be harmful to each person as well as society. In my perspective, I believe that this situation could have both negative and positive consequences. On the one hand, there are certain merits of posting matters and emergencies on the media. In fact, the more problems aired on the television or the internet, the more people know about current serious issues and try to improve those ones. For instance, by showing largely huge problems of climate changes in the mass media, most people in the world minimized using motor vehicles and started to travel by bicycle. Additionally, reporting many nasty accidents is an efficient way to raise people’s awareness about their safety when they go outside. In fact, if people have seen a car crash lately, they would have been completely careful when they drive in order to not have similar accident. On the other hand, this trend could be considered detrimental consequences for several reasons. Firstly, compared to report about positive changes providing useful information could help people expand their horizon, the focus of bad news and difficulties might affect badly people’s mind. For example, many residents who have been living in my hometown started to make demonstrations or riots against the government after they watched a news program talking about the disadvantages of a recently built company. Secondly, if children watch several bad news or crimes on the television, they may grow up with a tendency to violence. For example, a kid regularly hearing the news or reading article about terrorism or violent crimes, they would tend to intimidate and bully other ones when they are not educated well. In conclusion, although reports about bad news and emergencies have several negative consequences, I still believe that this trend would be beneficial in certain extent.
It
is said
that these days, the media tend to concentrate much on issues and emergencies
instead
of interesting in great development, which could be harmful to each person
as well
as society. In my perspective, I believe that this situation could have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
consequences.

On the one hand, there are certain merits of posting matters and emergencies on the media. In fact, the more problems aired on the television or the internet, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
serious issues and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
For instance
, by showing
largely
huge problems of climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the mass media, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world minimized using motor vehicles and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to travel by bicycle.
Additionally
, reporting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nasty accidents is an efficient way to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness about their safety when they go outside. In fact, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a car crash lately, they would have been completely careful when they drive in order to not have similar accident.

On the other hand
, this trend could
be considered
detrimental consequences for several reasons.
Firstly
, compared to report about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
providing useful information could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
expand their horizon, the focus of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and difficulties might affect
badly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mind.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
residents who have been living in my hometown
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
demonstrations or riots against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
program talking about the disadvantages of a recently built
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Secondly
, if children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
or crimes on the television, they may grow up with a tendency to violence.
For example
, a kid
regularly
hearing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
or reading article about terrorism or violent crimes, they would tend to intimidate and bully other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
when they are not educated well.

In conclusion
, although reports about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and emergencies have several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences, I
still
believe that this trend would be beneficial in certain extent.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay The media tends to focus on problems rather than positive developments. Some people think that this is harmful to individuals and society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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