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The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. v. 2
Radio, television and the internet repeat newses and stories about the lives and relationships of famous people such as actors, singers, footballers and etc. Although I agree and believe we should know about the lives of celebrities and I do not think that the media should spend more time to repeat the lives of ordinary people instead. In my point, famous people are good models for everyone. Because one day, they were ordinary people. And when the media keep narrating and writing about the lives of these people, we can learn lots of things from them. Actually, their lives can be a good proof for those, who have big dreams. Because they will figure out that life might be hard, but if we keep practicing, concentrating on our aim(s) and believing in ourselves, we can get what we want. In contrast, some people believe focus on celebrities lives have bad effects on people's lives. For instance, it causes spending too much time on fashions or teenager's behaviour. Some of them start to act in the exact way that their favourite singer or actor does. They think it is very important that we know about the lifestyle of ordinary people. Whereas, we can get more motivation and learn more by knowing that how many famous people work hard to achieve the things that they want. How they fight with their problems and defeat them. In conclusion, I assume the media have to focus on famous people's lives. We should know about successful people. About their condition in their lifetime. Because if we pay more attention to the lives of ordinary people, it will be hard to open a new horizon
Radio, television and the internet repeat
Possible spelling mistake found.
newses
and stories about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and relationships of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as actors, singers, footballers
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
and believe we should know about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of celebrities and I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the media should spend more time to repeat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
instead
.

In my point,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
models for everyone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
one day, they were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. And when the media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
narrating and writing about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, we can learn lots of things from them.

Actually, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
proof for those, who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
dreams.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they will figure out that life might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
practicing, concentrating on our aim(s) and believing in ourselves, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what we want.

In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe focus on celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
For instance
, it causes spending too much time on fashions or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to act in the exact way that their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
singer or actor does.

They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that we know about the lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Whereas, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more motivation and learn more by knowing that how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve the things that they want.

How they fight with their problems and defeat them.

In conclusion
, I assume the media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

We should know about successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. About their condition in their lifetime.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
if we pay more attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to open a new
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
horizon
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. v. 2

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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