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The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. v.3

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. v. 3
Celebrities, their lives and relationships are considerably attracted by the media these days. Although some believe that the media should focus more on ordinary people’s life, I fully disagree with the statement because well-known people can become a role model for society through the various types of media. To begin with, as for eminent people, positively influencing on ordinary people is becoming very crucial in modern society. Because every time, everywhere they are faced with the media and paparazzi thus everyone can immediately aware of all their actions. Fortunately, there are many famous people who are constantly doing good deeds for human well-being. For example, all over the world know Angelina Jolie, the very highly paid Hollywood actress, has been dedicating her power and money for vulnerable children and against the poverty in Africa. She also had adopted many children from other continent and has successfully raised them. Turning to another circumstance, many media contents such as biography, book, memoir and movies based on a true story of famous people are very popular for ordinary ones. It can become a big opportunity for them who are able to learn from the contents. On the other hand, if celebrities act badly like consuming drugs, cannot overcome the life problems following suicides, it would impact for common people especially for teenagers negatively. However, many media companies and especially yellow page journalists always seek the shocking news from honoured people’s activities. The media thinks that if they publish the news of divorce, failure and drug use of them, it will capture the mass attention and consequently they can earn great profit from it. To conclude, I strongly consider the positive influence can supersede the worst impacts, even though it is regularly said that the media should cover the ordinary people lives instead famous ones. Apart from that, media companies should become more critical about the bad sides of celebrities.
Celebrities, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and relationships are
considerably
attracted by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
these days. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should focus more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life, I
fully
disagree with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can become a role model for society through the various types of media.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, as for eminent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
positively
influencing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial in modern society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
every time, everywhere they
are faced
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and paparazzi
thus
everyone
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
can immediately aware
of all their actions.
Fortunately
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
constantly
doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
deeds for human well-being.
For example
, all over the world know Angelina Jolie, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
highly
paid Hollywood actress, has been dedicating her power and money for vulnerable children and against the poverty in Africa. She
also
had adopted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children from other continent and has
successfully
raised them. Turning to another circumstance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
contents such as biography, book, memoir and movies based on a true story of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. It can become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
opportunity for them who are able to learn from the contents.

On the other hand
, if celebrities act
badly
like consuming drugs, cannot overcome the life problems following suicides, it would impact for common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
negatively
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
especially
yellow page journalists always seek the shocking news from
Possible spelling mistake. 'honoured' is British English.
honoured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
activities. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that if they publish the news of divorce, failure and drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of them, it will capture the mass attention and
consequently
they can earn great profit from it.

To conclude
, I
strongly
consider the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence can supersede the worst impacts,
even though
it is
regularly
said that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should cover the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
lives
instead
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Apart from that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should become more critical about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
sides of celebrities.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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