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The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extend do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. v. 1
These days media channels prefer to showcase private lives and relationships of the stars or reputable individuals in sports and other entertainment industries rather than illustrating life aspects of simple people. As an ordinary citizen, I totally agree that the news regarding renowned people is becoming overwhelming, we have a right to receive balanced information as well. Firstly, this essay will discuss the fact that how this kind of news have been reached at harmful level and secondly, discuss why balanced information is crucial for residents. First and foremost, always watching and reading sportsmen or entertainers experienced usually luxury utilization and hippy life pattern influences negatively on our younger generation’s behaviour. From my observations, a lot of adolescents have been wasting their parents’ money in order to purchase so costly branded products. The main reason for doing this is that they just want to look like as the stars they admire. For instant, one of my cousins was grown up cared by an au pair. She watched every TV, which usually displays sensational news, reality show and entertainment programs. Today, she has become a person who always asks money from her parents to look similarly with Beyonce, one of the best singers in the world. This is a clear illustration of how one-sided information has reached at harmful levels. Furthermore, the citizens have the right to know balanced information. According to the content analysis, which was conducted among several Mongolian TV channels, sensational, shocking and unpleasant hot news, particularly about celebrities’ private lives accounts for an almost half proportion in the TV programs. It shows that too much space is being allocated by the media to this kind of people who share so small amount of total population in our society. We also need to receive our mass’s lives in order to find out and understand authentic life circumstance. This will open-up eyes of residents, especially their children and assist them to live wisely. In short, I believe the media should be responsible for reporting the balanced news including both famous and ordinary folks’ life. If we always receive just one-sided information, our next generation cannot realise the reality of the life.
These days media channels prefer to showcase private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and relationships of the stars or reputable individuals in sports and other entertainment industries
rather
than illustrating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
aspects of simple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. As an ordinary citizen, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
regarding renowned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
becoming overwhelming, we have a right to receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
as well
.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss the fact that how this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
have
been reached
at harmful level and
secondly
, discuss why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is crucial for residents.

First
and foremost, always watching and reading sportsmen or entertainers experienced
usually
luxury utilization and hippy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
pattern influences
negatively
on our younger generation’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. From my observations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
adolescents have been wasting their parents’ money in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
costly branded products. The main reason for doing this is that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to look like as the stars they admire. For instant, one of my cousins
was grown
up cared by an
Make sure that 'au' means 'astronomical unit'. If you mean the chemical symbol for gold, use "Au".
au
pair. She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
every TV, which
usually
displays sensational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
and entertainment programs.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, she has become a person who always asks money from her parents to look
similarly
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
Beyonce
, one of the best singers in the world. This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
illustration of how one-sided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
has reached at harmful levels.

Furthermore
, the citizens have the right to know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. According to the content analysis, which
was conducted
among several Mongolian TV channels, sensational, shocking and unpleasant hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
,
particularly
about celebrities’ private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
accounts for an almost half proportion in the TV programs. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that too much space is
being allocated
by the media to this kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of total population in our society. We
also
need to receive our mass’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in order to find out and understand authentic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
circumstance. This will open-up eyes of residents,
especially
their children and assist them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
wisely
.

In short, I believe the media should be responsible for reporting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
including both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and ordinary folks’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If we always receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one-sided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, our
next
generation cannot
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the reality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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