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Some suggest than young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v.2

Some suggest than young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v. 2
These days, millions of youngsters are being enrolled in universities every year. A certain number of people believe that young people should emphasize work at some time rather than continue studying in tertiary degree after high school graduation. This essay will discuss some positive and negative impacts of a gap year. On the one hand, higher education is excessive money required an event. So, some young people decide to work hard to save enough money for paying their first year of university expenses like a tuition fee, a living cost and books. Money that they saved allows them to more focus on academic studies instead of worrying about the financial situation. As a result, they can achieve high academic result. In addition, there is a fact that people gain quite a lot of soft skills for example a time management and a communication skill while they are working, these skills help students to learn more in academic levels. On the other hand, it is very often observed that many young people do not want study again after work a sometime. Basically, it can be said that motivation to learn things goes down slightly after work. A recent survey revealed one in three people under age of twenties never come back to academic study after a gap year. As a result, they will put themselves at high risk of unemployment in the future. Even some people decide to study after couple years of working, their ability to learn things usually become slower. Generally, this consequence influences their overall academic achievements. To sum up, some people prefer to work one year after graduation a high school. Although, working a while after high school gives chances for students to earn some money and gain some skills from field work, there are some disadvantages, for example people’s learning ability become slower further some people never come back to higher education.
These days, millions of youngsters are
being enrolled
in universities every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. A certain number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should emphasize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time
rather
than continue studying in tertiary degree after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school graduation. This essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of a gap year.

On the one hand, higher education is excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
required an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for paying their
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of university expenses like a tuition fee, a living cost and books.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
that they saved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to more focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
instead
of worrying about the financial situation.
As a result
, they can achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
result.
In addition
, there is a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gain quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for example
a time management and a communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
while they are working, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students to learn more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
levels.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
observed that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not want
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
again after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
a sometime
.
Basically
, it can
be said
that motivation to learn things goes down
slightly
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. A recent survey revealed one in three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under age of twenties never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
after a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
As a result
, they will put themselves at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of unemployment in the future. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
after couple years of working, their ability to learn things
usually
become slower.
Generally
, this consequence influences their
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
achievements.

To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
after graduation a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school. Although, working a while after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school gives chances for students to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
from field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages,
for example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
learning ability become slower
further
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to higher education.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some suggest than young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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