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Some people believe that educational success depends on good teachers. Others think that it depends on the attitude of the students. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Some people believe that educational success depends on good teachers. Others think that it depends on the attitude of the students. v. 3
Some believe that the success of an education depends on the teacher, while others think that the pupil's behaviour also significant. In this essay, I will explain these two perspectives further and give my personal opinion on why I chose the latter statement. To start with, many teachers have the abilities to see their students' strengths and interests. In Detroit University, for instance, where in 2010 the average score was 40%, has now improved to 70% in each class, due to the lecturers replacement requested by the learners. Upon survey, researchers discovered that new lecturers were able to encourage and nurture these students, which has greatly affected their overall score and degree. Therefore, good teachers generally able to contribute towards their pupils' success to some extent. On the other hand, I believe that the attitude of the learners within the class has more impact towards the educational success. Firstly, they are able to recognise their own weaknesses and work to improve it. The 'Forbes USA' magazine, as an example, stated that graduates from prestigious universities often have better understanding and knowledge during their class or examination in comparison with other universities. This is because of the fact that they are able to break down the materials and grasp them quickly. Furthermore, these learners are likely to help each other and learn from their peers during a project. Hence, the attitude of the pupils has more impact when addressing the learning success. In conclusion, although teachers may also contribute to the success of an education, I believe that students' behaviour towards the subjects are more significant, as it enables them to improve their weaknesses and learn from their peers quicker.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of an education depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the pupil's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
also
significant. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
these two perspectives
further
and give my personal opinion on why I chose the latter statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have the abilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their students' strengths and interests. In Detroit University,
for instance
, where in 2010 the average score was 40%, has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
to 70% in each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, due to the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "lecturers'" or "lecturer's"?
lecturers
replacement requested by the learners. Upon survey, researchers discovered that new lecturers were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to encourage and nurture these students, which has
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
their
overall
score and degree.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to contribute towards their pupils'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I believe that the attitude of the learners within the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
has more impact towards the educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
Firstly
, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
weaknesses and work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
it. The 'Forbes USA' magazine, as an example, stated that graduates from prestigious universities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have better understanding and knowledge during their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
or examination
in comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
universities. This is
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to break down the materials and grasp them
quickly
.
Furthermore
, these learners are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and learn from their peers during a project.
Hence
, the attitude of the pupils has more impact when addressing the learning success.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
may
also
contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of an education, I believe that students'
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
towards the subjects are more significant, as it enables them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their weaknesses and learn from their peers quicker.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people believe that educational success depends on good teachers. Others think that it depends on the attitude of the students. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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