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The mass media, including television, radio and newspaper, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer. v.1

The mass media, including television, radio and newspaper, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. with this statement? v. 1
Some museums charge for entrance fee while some do not. In my opinion, I think the merit of charging an entrance fee, which is creation of income for smooth operation overshadows the drawback which is the incidence of low turnout. Admittedly, a major disadvantage of this fee is the low turnout of visitors to the museum. Museums house antiques and artefacts for both educational purposes and also to enlighten the members of the public about their historical cultures. If a fee is attached to such places, people might be discouraged because on a regular basis a museum is not a place people love to go for leisure. Take for instance, when the national museum in Japan opened and attached an entrance fee, there was a very low turnout and the managers had to go back to the drawing board to review their terms. Despite the fact that attaching a fee might reduce attendance rate of visitors, an income is favourable for the museum as this will be used to run the operations and also manage the museum. Lots of funds go into running a museum before it can be done effectively. The Hongkong museum, for instance, hosts monthly conferences and educational shows and In order to ensure that these shows go well, experienced teachers and lecturers are hired as tour guides and they have to be paid, hence, the need for income cannot be over-emphasized. To conclude, while weighing the merits and drawbacks of entrance fee, the advantages still overshadow the disadvantages, as income is very much necessary to run a museum and to enable smooth operation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
charge for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
do not. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the merit of charging an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
, which is creation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
for smooth operation overshadows the drawback which is the incidence of low turnout.

Admittedly
, a major disadvantage of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
is the low turnout of visitors to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
antiques and
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
for both educational purposes and
also
to enlighten the members of the public about their historical cultures. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
is attached
to such places,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might
be discouraged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
on a regular basis a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is not a place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to go for leisure. Take
for instance
, when the national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in Japan opened and attached an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
, there was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low turnout and the managers had to go back to the drawing board to review their terms.

Despite the fact that attaching a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
attendance rate of visitors, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
is
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
as this will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to run the operations and
also
manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. Lots of funds go into running a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it can
be done
effectively
. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hongkong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
,
for instance
, hosts monthly conferences and educational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and In order to ensure that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
go well, experienced teachers and lecturers
are hired
as tour
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
guides and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be paid
,
hence
, the need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
cannot be over-emphasized.

To conclude
, while weighing the merits and drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
, the advantages
still
overshadow the disadvantages, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much necessary to run a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and to enable smooth operation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay The mass media, including television, radio and newspaper, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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