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The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. v. 2
The mass media, including the radio, TV, newspaper and the internet have a huge impact on people’s lifestyles, ways of thinking and habits; the effect of media is very apparent in our daily lives and surroundings since that tool being invented. Some people stick to the point that these mass media have a profound effect on shaping people’s ideas. However, some people believe that media cannot fully effect on people. Additionally, I personally think both views may be true. Firstly, that is clear media such as TV and radio have some effects on people, the prime reason why the media have an impact on people, lies in a fact that people in their life are watching television, reading the newspaper every hour and surf the net every day, so information and ideas that media publish among people have a direct effect on people’s behaviour, thought, attitude and lifestyle as an example the enormous number of violent films on TV desensitized to violence. For example, regular viewers end up thinking reality should be like what they see on TV, which affects their behaviour and values. From other viewpoints, the media cannot influence people’s culture and lifestyle fully, in more detail culture is not monolithic and society is fragmented. For instance, in our country TV shows just aim to preserve conventionality and available status in our society, so media often cannot change the prevailing attitude and way of people thinking in their lives. Consequently, the media could not possibly influence all their constituents. In conclusion, we cannot deny the influence of media on people’s attitude and their life. However, in some part media cannot have a deep impact on people because some ideas and beliefs and attitudes have roots in our culture and are not changeable.
The mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, including the radio, TV, newspaper and the internet have a huge impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
lifestyles, ways of thinking and habits; the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
apparent in our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and surroundings since that tool
being invented
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stick to the point that these mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have a profound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on shaping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
cannot
fully
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Additionally
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
both views may be true.

Firstly
,
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
such as TV and radio have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the prime reason why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have an impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, lies in a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their life are watching television, reading the newspaper every hour and surf the net every day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
information and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
publish among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a direct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
and lifestyle as an example the enormous number of violent films on TV desensitized to violence.
For example
, regular viewers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up thinking reality should be like what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on TV, which affects their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and values.

From other viewpoints, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
cannot influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
culture and lifestyle
fully
, in more detail culture is not monolithic and society
is fragmented
.
For instance
, in our country TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
aim to preserve conventionality and available status in our society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the prevailing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
and way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
thinking in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
could not
possibly
influence all their constituents.

In conclusion
, we cannot deny the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
and their life.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
cannot have a deep impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and beliefs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitudes
have roots in our culture and are not changeable.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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