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The mass media, including TV, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree this statement? Give reasons for your answer v.1

The mass media, including TV, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. this statement? 1
It is evident that, at present, people are spending a considerable amount of time on the Internet, and thus spending less time with real people. I strongly agree that although this use of the Internet has greatly increased the level of communication available, it has also had detrimental effects on the amount and type of social interaction that takes place. The benefits of the Internet in terms of increased communication are clear, with people connected across the globe. In the past, communication was only possible by phone or mail, which entailed time and expense. It also usually meant just keeping in contact with those people already known to you. With the internet, this has changed dramatically. Email and social networking sites such as Facebook and MSN have created online communities that are global in scale, and they have fostered communication between people and countries that we would not have thought possible in the not too distant past. That said, there is no doubt in my mind that this has had negative impacts on social interaction. People, especially the younger generation, spend hours of their time online, chatting and on forums. Although this can be beneficial, it is certainly not the same as real interaction with human beings and does not involve the same skills. It is important that children have and maintain real friendships in order to develop their own interpersonal skills. Not only this, it can also have negative effects on local communities if people are spending most of their time communicating online and not mixing in their neighbourhoods, and possibly lead to feelings of isolation for those individuals who do not have a ‘real’ person to turn to in times of need. To conclude, I believe that the internet has undoubtedly been beneficial, but there are good reasons to be concerned about social interaction in our societies. It is therefore important that we maintain a balance between our online life and our contact with real human beings.
It is evident that, at present,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending a considerable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the Internet, and
thus
spending less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that although this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the Internet has
greatly
increased the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
available, it has
also
had detrimental effects on the amount and type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
that takes place.

The benefits of the Internet in terms of increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
connected across the globe. In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible by phone or mail, which entailed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and expense. It
also
usually
meant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
keeping in contact with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
already known to you. With the internet, this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
. Email and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites such as Facebook and MSN have created
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
communities that are global in scale, and they have fostered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and countries that we would not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
possible in the not too distant past.

That said, there is no doubt in my mind that this has had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
,
especially
the younger generation, spend hours of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, chatting and on forums. Although this can be beneficial, it is
certainly
not the same as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
with human beings and does not involve the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that children have and maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
friendships in order to develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this, it can
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on local communities if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
communicating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and not mixing in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods
, and
possibly
lead to feelings of isolation for those individuals who do not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‘real’
person to turn to in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
of need.

To conclude
, I believe that the internet has
undoubtedly
been beneficial,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasons to
be concerned
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
in our societies. It is
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that we maintain a balance between our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
life and our contact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
human beings.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The mass media, including TV, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. this statement? 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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