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Most people try to balance between work and other part of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this delicate balance. What are the main problems people are facing? What is the best way to overcome them? v.2

Most people try to balance between work and other part of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this delicate balance. What are the main problems people are facing? What is the best way to overcome them? v. 2
Given the non-stop advance of fashion, wearing vogue clothing is now considered attractive choice for people in today's world. While it would certainly be easy to garner either benefits or drawbacks of this change, I believe that the whole development is still necessary. On the one hand, there are countless drawbacks of the aspirations of fashionable clothes. Firstly, following fashion blindly is a waste of time and money. It means that fashionable and branded stuff should be within reach one’s budget because it will be extremely risk for people who just earned 1000$ per month but spent a half of their salary on buying clothes. As a result, it is difficult for them to enable to do other important things. In addition, when citizens go out with their gorgeous clothes, they will be judged more by others. For instance, someone wants to express oneself in some unsuitable occasion such as they intend to go to the supermarket and wearing a latest fad clothes On the other hand, the advantage of wearing fashionable clothes should not be underestimated. One striking benefit is that fashions will make people more attractive to others. Indeed, fashionably dressed play a crucial key in displaying oneself in a distinguish way and, thereby their ideas or opinions would be heard readily and their personality will capture minds for quite some time. Moreover, wearing wonderful clothes can raise oneself confident. For instance, celebrities always wear wonderful clothes that make them feel better and release stress when they stand on a large stage. In conclusion, it is clear that although nobody can deny the detrimental impacts of wearing vogue clothes, I believe that this trend is simultaneously positive.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the non-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
advance of fashion, wearing vogue clothing is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
considered attractive choice for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world. While it would
certainly
be easy to garner either benefits or drawbacks of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, I believe that the whole development is
still
necessary.

On the one hand, there are countless drawbacks of the aspirations of fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
.
Firstly
, following fashion
blindly
is a waste of time and money. It means that fashionable and branded stuff should be within reach one’s budget
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will be
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
earned
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$1000".
1000$
per month
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
spent a half of their salary on buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
.
As a result
, it is difficult for them to enable to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things.
In addition
, when citizens go out with their gorgeous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, they will
be judged
more by others.
For instance
, someone wants to express oneself in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unsuitable occasion such as they intend to go to the supermarket and wearing
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
latest fad clothes

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the advantage of wearing fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
should not
be underestimated
. One striking benefit is that fashions will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more attractive to others.
Indeed
,
fashionably
dressed play a crucial key in displaying oneself in
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'distinguish' is correct. If 'distinguish' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a distinguish
way and, thereby their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
or opinions would
be heard
readily
and their personality will capture minds for quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time.
Moreover
, wearing wonderful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
can raise oneself confident.
For instance
, celebrities always wear wonderful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel better and release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
when they stand on a large stage.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that although nobody can deny the detrimental impacts of wearing vogue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, I believe that this trend is
simultaneously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Most people try to balance between work and other part of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this delicate balance. What are the main problems people are facing? What is the best way to overcome them? v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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