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The maps belowe show the village of Stokeford in 1930 and in 2010. Summarise the information by selectiong and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The maps belowe show the village of Stokeford in 1930 and in 2010.
While there are some beliefs that sharing3 information such as scientific research, business and academic knowledge is more adventurous to other people, some do not take it as instructions which should follow. This assay will discuss about both views before the conclusion is reached. It is true that sharing some beneficial information publicly can support the other to use as their benefits. For example, some people who have their own business can adapt published business strategy to help improve their brandings or marketing in order to promote their products to a wide range of customers. Consequently, this can cause in gaining more profit to their business. Moreover, it is possible that some research can be further developed to another level of advanced research. To illustrate, some scientists may improve existent publications and find more relevant topics or greater results. For example, in developing chemical formulas, it needs several stages of experiments and scientists in order to reach a successful result. However, some resources may be too precious to share independently. To extend this point, some information regarding to business operations, which business developers have been struggling to find the clearest solutions are important to his own business to share with other developers in same marketing. If many people can use the same marketing pattern, it may cause the first developers to lose their clients eventually. Moreover, some practical knowledge can be used in illegal ways. There are bad people out there who can easily adjust some mechanic skills to commit crimes. For instance, skills for unlocking doors without using keys should not be shared publicly because that may encourage inappropriate imitations. In conclusion, it has benefits for sharing information in relation to business strategy or scientific research to encourage the adaptation for businesses or further developments in science. However, I agree that some useful knowledge may probably be used to cause crimes in the future.
While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beliefs that sharing3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
such as scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and academic knowledge is more adventurous to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
do not take it as instructions which should follow. This assay will
Did you mean simply "discuss both"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about both
views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the conclusion
is reached
.

It is true that sharing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
publicly
can support the other to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
as their benefits.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
can adapt published
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
strategy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
brandings
or marketing in order to promote their products to a wide range of customers.
Consequently
, this can cause in gaining more profit to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
Moreover
, it is possible that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
can be
further
developed to another level of advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scientists may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
existent publications and find more relevant topics or greater results.
For example
, in developing chemical formulas, it needs several stages of experiments and scientists in order to reach a successful result.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
resources may be too precious to share
independently
. To extend this point,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
operations, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
developers have been struggling to find the clearest solutions are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
to share with other developers in same marketing. If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the same marketing pattern, it may cause the
first
developers to lose their clients
eventually
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical knowledge can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in illegal ways. There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
out there who can
easily
adjust
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mechanic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to commit crimes.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for unlocking doors without using keys should not
be shared
publicly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that may encourage inappropriate imitations.

In conclusion
, it has benefits for sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in relation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
strategy or scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
to encourage the adaptation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
or
further
developments in science.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful knowledge may
probably
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to cause crimes in the future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The maps belowe show the village of Stokeford in 1930 and in 2010.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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