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Billions of dollars are spent on space research This is a waste of money More money must be spent on improving the problems of people on Earth To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Billions of dollars are spent on space research This is a waste of money More money must be spent on improving the problems of people on Earth v. 1
In the modern era, where the majority of folks across the globe are suffering from various health issues because of unhealthy eating habits and therefore, it is crucial for the authorities to increase the tax on such unhealthy foods. I, partially, agree with this statement. Nowadays, it has become increasingly common that a host of people adopted junk meal in their daily eating habits because of which they are suffering from various health ailments such as obesity and other medical complications in a very early age. Furthermore, the unhealthy meal is very expensive as a result of which, people have to spend extra bucks every month which in turn, can be saved and utilized for other things. To illustrate, In a recent survey in India, it has been observed that the children who eats junk food are more obese as compared to the ones who eat homemade cooked food. On the other hand, fast food chains create a plethora of job opportunities for the locals and hence, rise in tax rates would drastically reduce the number of jobs and therefore increase the unemployment rate. Then, the junk meal chains already paying the taxes to the government and any rise in tax rates meant, less profit for them, as a result of which many of them will close their operations. For example, in a current survey by Delhi Government in India, it has been found that eating joints like Pizza Hut and Mc Donalds have recruited 6000 people in 2019. To conclude, undoubtedly, fast foodstuff chains are playing an imperative role in creating the employment opportunities and increasing the revenue, but it is equally important that the teenagers should be aware about the health issues caused due to continuous exposure to fast foods.
In the modern era, where the majority of folks across the globe are suffering from various health issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unhealthy eating habits and
therefore
, it is crucial for the authorities to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
on such unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. I,
partially
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

Nowadays, it has become
increasingly
common that a host of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
adopted junk meal in their daily eating habits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which they are suffering from various health ailments such as obesity and other medical complications in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age.
Furthermore
, the unhealthy meal is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive
as a result
of which,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend extra bucks every month which in turn, can
be saved
and utilized for other things. To illustrate, In a recent survey in India, it has
been observed
that the children who
Did you mean "eat"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'children' should be used.
eats
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are more obese as compared to the ones who eat homemade cooked food.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains create a plethora of job opportunities for the locals and
hence
, rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
rates would
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of jobs and
therefore
increase the unemployment rate. Then, the junk meal chains already paying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and any rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
rates meant, less profit for them,
as a result
of which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them will close their operations.
For example
, in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
survey by Delhi
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
in India, it has
been found
that eating joints like Pizza Hut and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mc
Possible spelling mistake found.
Donalds have
recruited 6000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 2019.

To conclude
,
undoubtedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foodstuff chains are playing an imperative role in creating the employment opportunities and increasing the revenue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should be aware about the health issues caused due to continuous exposure to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Billions of dollars are spent on space research This is a waste of money More money must be spent on improving the problems of people on Earth v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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