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The maps below show the layout of James Park in 2017 and the proposed changes to the park in 2027. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words v.1

The maps below show the layout of James Park in 2017 and the proposed changes to the park in 2027.
Nations worldwide are dealing with the rising issue of obesity, which has become a concern for the people in all age groups. The main reason for this is the over-consumption of junk food, and a possible solution would be a government to tax such food items and lower the cost of fresh products. To begin with, the main reason for people becoming overweight is the intake more fast-food due its convenience. This is because, people tend to live busy and hectic lives, thus, cooking at home is considered as burdensome after long working days. For instance, as per a medical research that was conducted in the UK, sales of such products have risen sharply over the past few decades, since people prefer relaxing over cooking meals, when they go home after work. If this is not resolved by suitable measures, uncommunicable diseases such as diabetes will be on the rise. To tackle this issue, governments need to impose taxes on foods that contain high fat and sugar. As a consequence, the prices of such items would be increased, and people would think twice before purchasing them. At the same time, the cost of fresh and healthy foods also needs to be lowered in order to encourage people to buy them. To illustrate this, in 2014, Norway imposed high taxes on food items, which contained high levels of saturated fat. They also fixed low prices for organic fruits and vegetables in the market, and this had a dramatic effect on reducing the consumption of junk foods. To conclude, being overweight has become an alarming issue among children and adults globally due to the over reliance on fast food items. Authorities need to take measures to limit this tendency by increasing taxes, as it discourages people from buying them. .
Nations worldwide are dealing with the rising issue of obesity, which has become a concern for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in all age groups. The main reason for this is the over-consumption of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and a possible solution would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
and lower the cost of fresh products.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
becoming overweight is the intake more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food due its convenience. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
busy and hectic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
thus
, cooking at home
is considered
as burdensome after long working days.
For instance
, as per a medical research that
was conducted
in the UK, sales of such products have risen
sharply
over the past few decades, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer relaxing over cooking meals, when they go home after work. If this is not resolved by suitable measures,
Possible spelling mistake found.
uncommunicable
diseases such as diabetes will be on the rise.

To tackle this issue,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
need to impose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
that contain high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and sugar. As a consequence, the prices of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
would
be increased
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
purchasing them. At the same time, the cost of fresh and healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
also
needs to
be lowered
in order to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them. To illustrate this, in 2014, Norway imposed high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
, which contained high levels of saturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
. They
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
low prices for organic fruits and vegetables in the market, and this had a dramatic effect on reducing the consumption of junk foods.

To conclude
, being overweight has become an alarming issue among children and adults globally due to the over reliance on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
. Authorities need to take measures to limit this tendency by increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
, as it discourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from buying them.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The maps below show the layout of James Park in 2017 and the proposed changes to the park in 2027.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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