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137) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.1

137) High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1
Nowadays, in some nations, the age gap between parents and their offspring are generally greater compared to decades ago. In my opinion, I believe that it can bring more benefits, as the parents will be able to support their children both mentally and financially. On the one hand, I think that adults who have children at a later age are more mature and financially stable. This is because of the fact that they have lived and experienced the journey in life, hence they will be able to guide their offspring in the future. Furthermore, older adults often are in a well established job position, which allows them to be responsible of their income and expenses. In 2000, researchers discovered that ninety-five percent of high school graduates are likely to pursue their university degree, whereas in the past, they were likely to get married immediately prior to graduation. On the other hand, greater age difference means that they will have to postpone their retirement plan. As they have their children at a later age, both mother and father might not be able to resign early in order to take care of their offspring. For instance, it is prevalent in Japan to stop working at the age of 95, since they have to support their family. If parents choose to have a small age difference with their offspring, it will be very likely for them to reach retirement age quickly. In conclusion, being able to get married and have children at an older age are more beneficial, as they will be able to support their offspring financially and psychologically.
Nowadays, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
gap between parents and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offspring
are
generally
greater compared to decades ago. In my opinion, I believe that it can bring more benefits, as the parents will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
both mentally and
financially
.

On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that adults who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at a later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
are more mature and
financially
stable. This is
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
and experienced the journey in life,
hence
they will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offspring
in the future.
Furthermore
, older adults
The adverb 'often' usually goes after the verb 'are'.
often are
in a well established job position, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to be
The usual collocations for "responsible" is "responsible for". Did you mean "responsible for" or "in charge of"?
responsible of
their income and expenses. In 2000, researchers discovered that ninety-five percent of high school graduates are likely to pursue their university degree, whereas in the past, they were likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married immediately prior to graduation.

On the other hand
, greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
difference means that they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
postpone their retirement plan. As they have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at a later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, both mother and father might not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to resign early in order to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offspring
.
For instance
, it is prevalent in Japan to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
working at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 95, since they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
support their family. If parents choose to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
difference with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offspring
, it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likely for them to reach retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
quickly
.

In conclusion
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at an older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
are more beneficial, as they will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offspring
financially
and
psychologically
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay 137) High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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