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The graph below shows a percentage who drank each unit group on heaviest drinking day by age group, 2014 in the UK. v.1

The graph below shows a percentage who drank each unit group on heaviest drinking day by age group, 2014 in the UK. v. 1
With an enormous rise in the world population, demand for resources such as oil and gas has also increased tremendously. Some people are coming up with a thought of excavation of the undiscovered resource areas around the globe for meeting up the increased demand. I strongly disagree with this notion because of the environmental risk it possesses and considering the various sustainable energy resources available. The main reason why discovering of new areas of resourced should be discouraged is the detrimental effects these resourced have on our environment. Combustion of fossil fuels emits harmful gases like carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide that are the major causes of global warming. Moreover, drilling the earth’s surface for locating oil and gas can significantly damage the underground stability and can also cause drying of underground water causing desertification. In fact, the discovery of such resources also leads to loss of human lives. For example, China, which produces more than one-third of annual global coal products, accounts for more than two-thirds of mining deaths around the world each year. Furthermore, considering the renewable sources of energy has become important nowadays. The alternative sources of energy like, solar energy, tidal energy and wind energy are not only in abundance, but also pose no harmful effects on our environment. Now it is high time to reduce our reliance on fossil fuels and resort to using greener sources of energy. These energy sources are cleaner and sustainable, and can be used in any area. For instance, India’s Cochin airport has become the first airport in the world to function completely on solar energy. To conclude, excavation of unexplored areas to meet the increased demand of energy should be discouraged because of their limited availability and harmful effects on the environment. Therefore, it is vital to harness renewable energy sources, available in abundance, to meet our demands and it can considerably reduce the damage to our environment.
With an enormous rise in the world population,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
for resources such as oil and gas has
also
increased
tremendously
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are coming up with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of excavation of the undiscovered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resource
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
around the globe for meeting up the increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
. I
strongly
disagree with this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the environmental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
it possesses and considering the various sustainable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
resources available.

The main reason why discovering of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
of resourced should
be discouraged
is the detrimental effects these resourced have on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. Combustion of fossil fuels emits harmful gases like carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide that are the major causes of global warming.
Moreover
, drilling the earth’s surface for locating oil and gas can
significantly
damage the underground stability and can
also
cause drying of underground water causing desertification. In fact, the discovery of such resources
also
leads to loss of human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, China, which produces more than one-third of annual global coal products, accounts for more than two-thirds of mining deaths around the world each year.

Furthermore
, considering the renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
nowadays. The alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
like, solar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, tidal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
and wind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in abundance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
pose no harmful effects on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
it is high time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
our reliance on fossil fuels and resort to using greener
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
are cleaner and sustainable, and can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
For instance
, India’s Cochin airport has become the
first
airport in the world to function completely on solar energy.

To conclude
, excavation of unexplored
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
should
be discouraged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their limited availability and harmful effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
Therefore
, it is vital to harness renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
, available in abundance, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demands
and it can
considerably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the damage to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below shows a percentage who drank each unit group on heaviest drinking day by age group, 2014 in the UK. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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