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Some believe that people who do physical work should be paid on par with the people who have high level degree. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some believe that people who do physical work should be paid on par with the people who have high level degree. v. 2
Some people assume that unskilled labours should have the same level of income as those who have a college degree. I disagree with the notion because a diploma demands from a person years of education as well as investing money, time and mental efforts to complete it. First of all, highly paid jobs as surgeons or entrepreneurs should be paid accordingly because these professionals carry huge responsibility and their mistakes can cost lives or multi-million businesses. Due to these reasons, they have to spend years of studying and practising, while manual jobs do not need this kind of effort. Thus, it would be ridiculous to pay equal salaries to those who are putting a lot of efforts and resources to be able to perform their jobs and those who are not. Besides, if physical workers would be paid on equal footing with qualified professionals, the latter would lose their motivation to pursue their positions. As a result, the economy would be in urgent demand of professionals. As well as higher education, this is expensive and many graduates have student loans, which have to be paid off. Consequently, their earnings should take into account their expenses. For instance, I have spent 6 years for my degree and I would be discouraged and frustrated if it did not bring any compensation. In conclusion, the idea of equal pay for physical labour and higher-educated workers is not possible. In my opinion, skilled jobs should be rewarded higher compared with unqualified jobs, because they demand time, money and a lot of effort to be ready for them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assume that unskilled
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
should have the same level of income as those who have a college degree. I disagree with the notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a diploma demands from a person years of education
as well
as investing money, time and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
efforts
to complete it.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
as surgeons or entrepreneurs should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
accordingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these professionals carry huge responsibility and their mistakes can cost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
or multi-million businesses. Due to these reasons, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend years of studying and
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
, while manual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
do not need this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effort
.
Thus
, it would be ridiculous to pay equal salaries to those who are putting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
efforts
and resources to be able to perform their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and those who are not.

Besides
, if physical workers would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
on equal footing with qualified professionals, the latter would lose their motivation to pursue their positions.
As a result
, the economy would be in urgent demand of professionals.
As well
as higher education, this is expensive and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
graduates have student loans, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
off.
Consequently
, their earnings should take into account their expenses.
For instance
, I have spent 6 years for my degree and I would
be discouraged
and frustrated if it did not bring any compensation.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of equal pay for physical
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
and higher-educated workers is not possible. In my opinion, skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
should
be rewarded
higher compared with unqualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they demand time, money and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effort
to be ready for them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that people who do physical work should be paid on par with the people who have high level degree. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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