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The map below is of the town of Canterbury. A new school (S) is planned for the area. The map shows two possible sites for the school. v.1

The map below is of the town of Canterbury. A new school (S) is planned for the area. The map shows two possible sites for the school. v. 1
In recent years, the question of whether the public sector should exclusively perform the medical study without the participation of the private sector has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although the role of government is irreplaceable, private corporations should get involved in researching. There is a whole host of reasons why the governmental bodies should in charge of carrying out a scientific study. The primary reason for this is that if products such as a cure for infectious disease are produced by the state, they will gain more credibility. Additionally, since profit-oriented enterprises usually take part in these projects with an aim to make money, they may have a tendency to distort research results for the sake of profit. For example, recently, a pharmaceutical company in Vietnam had faked their effectiveness to furnish the national immunization program for children with low-quality vaccines, which increase the risk of being vulnerable to sickness in children. Thereby, the fact that the governmental sector bears the responsibility to handle medical study can ensure the public health Having said that, however, private sectors play a vitally important act in shouldering the responsibility to conduct scientific studies. By dedicating valuable monetary resources, enterprises can not only help ease the financial burden of the state, but also achieve greater scientific achievement quicker and more efficiently, compared to innovations funded by limited budget of the governmental bodies. For instance, SpaceX takes a leading portrayal in space tourism when it launched the first privately funded rocket into orbit, which created a resounding success and a great dedication to humanity. Therefore, the government has more money to invest in other domains and develop social welfare in lieu of funding this programme. In conclusion, both public sectors and profit-making organization plays equally indispensable aspect in scientific research.
In recent years,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
should exclusively perform the medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
without the participation of the private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
has been receiving a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
attention. Although the role of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is irreplaceable, private corporations should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in researching.

There is a whole host of reasons why the governmental bodies should in charge of carrying out a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. The primary reason for this is that if products such as a cure for infectious disease
are produced
by the state, they will gain more credibility.
Additionally
, since profit-oriented enterprises
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in these projects with an aim to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money, they may have a tendency to distort research results for the sake of profit.
For example
, recently, a pharmaceutical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in Vietnam had faked their effectiveness to furnish the national immunization program for children with low-quality vaccines, which increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of being vulnerable to sickness in children. Thereby, the fact that the governmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
bears the responsibility to handle medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
can ensure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
health

Having said that,
however
, private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
play a
vitally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
act in shouldering the responsibility to conduct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. By dedicating valuable monetary resources, enterprises can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the financial burden of the state,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
achieve greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
achievement quicker and more
efficiently
, compared to innovations funded by limited budget of the governmental bodies.
For instance
, SpaceX takes a leading portrayal in space tourism when it launched the
first
privately
funded rocket into orbit, which created a resounding success and a great dedication to humanity.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has more money to invest in other domains and develop social welfare in lieu of funding this
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
and profit-making organization plays
equally
indispensable aspect in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
research.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay The map below is of the town of Canterbury. A new school (S) is planned for the area. The map shows two possible sites for the school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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