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The man expresses his opinion of the university’s plan to eliminate the bus service. State his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. - v.1

The man expresses his opinion of the university’s plan to eliminate the bus service. State his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. - v. 1
In this day and age, the rate of becoming obese is proliferating and the health of human being is deteriorating This is occurring mainly because of over consumption of fast food and less physical movement. There are multiple factors which can reverse this rate and act as a deterrent. In forthcoming paragraphs, I will explain how the overeating of junk food and lack of exercise expands the root of being overweight and also suggest some effective measures to address this before reaching to the conclusion. Firstly, excessive devouring of fast food is the major cause because this contains a higher amount of fat, calories, cholesterol, and sodium in comparison to homemade meals. Due to its pleasant taste, people have a strong inclination towards it and avoid home-cooked food. Fattening contents added in this generate the fat in the body. As a result, the weight of individuals is mushrooming and wrecked the various chronic ailments such as high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, and stroke. Secondly, having a sedentary lifestyle also contributing as people are living in a technological world and most of the work is performed mechanically, which is free from physical movement. Most of the time is spent in front of desktop and mobile instead of doing any activity which burns off the excess fat contents. To cite an example, after having a meal, people surf on the internet and avoid walking which leads to the building up fat in the body and generates the fatness. Moving towards the remedies, one way to resolve this issue is imposing higher taxes on the fast-food items. By doing this the fast food items become expensive and not affordable for every group. Moreover, this approach should not only be applicable for fast food items but also on the food outlets. If any food outlet utilizes a higher amount of calories, a higher amount of fine should be imposed. Apart from this, doing regular physical exercise also reduce the severity of obesity. In order to have a superior healthy life, exercise must be done. For this, the government has to take initiative in the form of a campaign in which awareness should be created regarding the importance of workout. To conclude, sound health is the fundamental thing and play an imperative role in living a healthy life. Dependence on junk food and avoiding physical activities are the major contributing causes of being obese. Taxation on the fattening items and promoting exercises by the state can eradicate the root of this problem.
In this day and age, the rate of becoming obese is proliferating and the health of human being is deteriorating This is occurring
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of over consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
movement. There are multiple factors which can reverse this rate and act as a deterrent. In forthcoming paragraphs, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
how the overeating of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
expands the root of being overweight and
also
suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effective measures to address this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching to the conclusion.

Firstly
, excessive devouring of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the major cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this contains a higher amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
, calories, cholesterol, and sodium
in comparison
to homemade meals. Due to its pleasant taste,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a strong inclination towards it and avoid home-cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Fattening contents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in this generate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
in the body.
As a result
, the weight of individuals is mushrooming and wrecked the various chronic ailments such as high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, and stroke.
Secondly
, having a sedentary lifestyle
also
contributing as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are living in a technological world and most of the work
is performed
mechanically
, which is free from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
movement. Most of the time
is spent
in front of desktop and mobile
instead
of doing any activity which burns off the excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
contents. To cite an example, after having a meal,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
surf on the internet and avoid walking which leads to the building up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
in the body and generates the fatness.

Moving towards the remedies, one way to resolve this issue is imposing higher taxes on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
. By doing this the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
become expensive and not affordable for every group.
Moreover
, this approach should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be applicable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets. If any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlet utilizes a higher amount of calories, a higher amount of fine should
be imposed
. Apart from this, doing regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the severity of obesity. In order to have a superior healthy life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be done
. For this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take initiative in the form of a campaign in which awareness should
be created
regarding the importance of workout.

To conclude
, sound health is the fundamental thing and play an imperative role in living a healthy life. Dependence on junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and avoiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities are the major contributing causes of being obese. Taxation on the fattening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
and promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
by the state can eradicate the root of this problem.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay The man expresses his opinion of the university’s plan to eliminate the bus service. State his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. - v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
415 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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