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TOEFL Integrated speaking, question 3 - The man expresses his opinion of the university’s plan to eliminate the bus service. State his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. - Preparation Time: 30 SecondsResponse Time: v.1

TOEFL Integrated speaking, question 3 - The man expresses his opinion of the university’s plan to eliminate the bus service. State his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. - Preparation Time: 30 SecondsResponse Time: v. 1
The impact of modernization, in a few years had completely changed the scenario of consumers by diverting their focus to shopping malls and due to this reason, local stores had obsolete. In my strong conviction, central malls are essential as well as demanding part of any city or region, since they depict a positive side of economic development. Firstly, countries like India, is adopting a western culture. Hence, in most of the metropolitan cities a number of local stores had been shut down and they are all merging in huge malls to seek the attention of customers. To illustrate, a survey was conducted by the Trading centre last year, they concluded that 90% of the population are interested in shopping malls, because they can buy all the products and daily items under one roof and can save much of their time. As a result, visitors get attracted and they had noticed that expenses are cut down. Furthermore, they can plan a pocket-friendly budget. Secondly, the cities are emerging themselves in latest trends and technologies. Hence some sort of remedy must be provided to those who had lost their local shops in a few years. Therefore, city malls play a vital role in improvement and development process, moreover countryside areas can be utilized effectively. The government bodies are taking positive steps to construct malls in every city, for instance, a journalist interviewed a politician and he believed that building such centre can advance the living trends thereby increasing employment. He also discussed about the extensive growth in GDP rate. Finally, recent trends must be followed by the government. To conclude, shopping malls can improve the quality standards and lifestyle of people and moreover urbanisation can develop rural areas. Therefore, while considering positive aspects of malls the government should provide all the necessary facilities to compensate the loss of local stores.
The impact of modernization, in a few years had completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the scenario of consumers by diverting their focus to shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
and due to this reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
stores had obsolete. In my strong conviction, central
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
are essential
as well
as demanding part of any city or region, since they depict a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side of economic development.

Firstly
, countries like India, is adopting a western culture.
Hence
, in most of the metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
stores had
been shut
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
down and
they are all merging in huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
to seek the attention of customers. To illustrate, a survey
was conducted
by the Trading
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
last year, they concluded that 90% of the population
are interested
in shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
all the products and daily items under one roof and can save much of their time.
As a result
, visitors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
attracted and
they had noticed that expenses are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down.
Furthermore
, they can plan a pocket-friendly budget.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are emerging themselves in
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
trends and technologies.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of remedy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be provided
to those who had lost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops in a few years.
Therefore
, city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
play a vital role in improvement and development process,
moreover
countryside areas can
be utilized
effectively
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
bodies are taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
steps to construct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
in every city,
for instance
, a journalist interviewed a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
politician and
he believed that building such
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
can advance the living trends thereby increasing employment. He
also
Did you mean simply "discussed the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discussed about the
extensive growth in GDP rate.
Finally
, recent trends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be followed
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

To conclude
, shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality standards and lifestyle of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
moreover
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
can develop rural areas.
Therefore
, while considering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide all the necessary facilities to compensate the loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
stores.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TOEFL Integrated speaking, question 3 - The man expresses his opinion of the university’s plan to eliminate the bus service. State his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. - Preparation Time: 30 SecondsResponse Time: v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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