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The main reason people go to work is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The main reason people go to work is to earn money. v. 1
It is often thought that people work primarily to earn income. This essay disagrees with this view. This essay shall explain the fact that people also work in order to be respected and also to render service to humanity. One of the reasons why many people work is to earn the respect of other people. People want to be perceived as achievers by other people. One of the ways they can earn other people's respect is by being gainfully employed. For example, people tend to look down on jobless people and regard them as indolent people who do not want to work. Additionally, when people have a place where they work, there need for self esteem is usually met and they feel fulfilled about attaining the peak of their potential. Another reason why people commit themselves to working in an organisation is to serve humanity. They want to be part of something that can be of benefit to the world at large. For example, although mother Theresa was not paid for the service she rendered in Calcutta, she was committed to the service of providing a home for the orphan children. Thus, some people work just to be part of something that will bring a smile to many faces. In conclusion, this essay has discussed how the need to be valued and serve others are other reasons why people work. I am presently volunteering at a non governmental organisation where they are not paying me but I feel greatly satisfied to be of help to humanity
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
primarily
to earn income. This essay disagrees with this view. This essay shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in order to
be respected
and
also
to render service to humanity.

One of the reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is to earn the respect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
want to
be perceived
as achievers by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. One of the ways they can earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's respect is by being
gainfully
employed.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to look down on jobless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and regard them as indolent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Additionally
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a place where they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, there need for
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self esteem
is
usually
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
met and
they feel fulfilled about attaining the peak of their potential.

Another reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
commit themselves to working in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
is to serve humanity. They want to be part of something that can be of benefit to the world at large.
For example
, although mother Theresa was not paid for the service she rendered in Calcutta, she
was committed
to the service of providing a home for the orphan children.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to be part of something that will bring a smile to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
faces.

In conclusion
, this essay has discussed how the need to
be valued
and serve others are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. I am
presently
volunteering at a
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non governmental
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
where they are not paying me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I feel
greatly
satisfied to be of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
humanity
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The main reason people go to work is to earn money. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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