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Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.5

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. with this opinion? v. 5
Due to the development of mass media such as televisions and the internet, celebrities can now reach a wider range of audiences and kids are not an exemption. In that sense, many believe that this scenario can have detrimental effects on children. In my opinion, I agree with this claim and the reason for this will be discussed in this essay. A plethora of celebrities promotes certain beauty and personality standards into the media. Since modern media covers almost everything about celebrities lifestyle, their influence on certain aspects such as beauty standards can reach sensitive audiences such as children. As a result, many youths will force themselves to imitate their idols to fit in the celebrities' traditional criteria of beauty even though it has negative impacts on them. For example, children in the Philippines sometimes wear revealing clothes even though it is not appropriate and they do these kinds of actions because it is what they see on media outlets which broadcasts famous people In addition, media coverage of celebrities can create drawbacks when these kinds of people commit inappropriate actions such as sexual offense and violent behaviors. Since these prominent people are influential, they can give children a reason to also commit unsuitable acts. For instance, after the media release the news about a famous man who commits sexual acts against a girl, there has been some records in which children recreate similar events based on what has been broadcast. In conclusion, although media coverage of celebrities is common nowadays, there are drawbacks in specific audiences such as children. Since the young don't have enough maturity and experience, they can be easily influenced by what they see in different media outlets.
Due to the development of mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
such as televisions and the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
reach a wider range of audiences and kids are not an exemption. In that sense,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that this scenario can have detrimental effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this claim and the reason for this will
be discussed
in this essay.

A plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
promotes certain beauty and personality standards into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. Since modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
covers almost everything about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
lifestyle, their influence on certain aspects such as beauty standards can reach sensitive audiences such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youths will force themselves to imitate their idols to fit in the celebrities' traditional criteria of beauty
even though
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on them.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the Philippines
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
wear revealing clothes
even though
it is not
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
appropriate and
they do these kinds of actions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
outlets which broadcasts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people


In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
coverage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
can create drawbacks when these kinds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
commit inappropriate actions such as sexual offense and violent behaviors. Since these prominent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are influential, they can give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a reason to
also
commit unsuitable acts.
For instance
, after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
release the news about a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who commits sexual acts against a girl, there has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
records in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
recreate similar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
based on what has been broadcast.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
coverage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
is common nowadays, there are drawbacks in specific audiences such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Since the young don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
maturity and experience, they can be
easily
influenced by what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
outlets.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. with this opinion? v. 5

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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