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Some people say that zoos should be banned for being cruel towards the animals while others say they should be continued for protecting rare animals. Discuss both your views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that zoos should be banned for being cruel towards the animals while others say they should be continued for protecting rare animals. v. 1
While some believe that zoos must be prohibited for treating animals insensitively, however, others favour to retain them for wild life conservation. I personally believe that rare animals can only be saved from extinction when kept in zoos away from effects of unfavourable conditions. On the one hand, proponents of cruelty free practices towards wild life believe that keeping forest creatures in congested areas is harsh. For example, Elephants cannot survive comfortably in small enclosures. Zoos may not perfectly replicate natural conditions suitable for animal wellbeing such as adequate space for their free movement. Hence, these animals would not have suitable circumstances similar to their habitat. Resultantly, many rare species could die sooner than their natural life-span, in artificial habitats. On the other hand, zoo supporters insist on utility of wild life sanctuaries for conservation. They argue that a zoo serves as a shelter for shielding animals such as polar bears, from bitter and abruptly changing climatic conditions. In addition, deforestation as a legacy of increasing human population leads to disappearing natural habitats for wild animals. In this connection, carefully planned conservation programs would provide suitable environment, temperature, food, and health care which may enable animals to live healthy and grow in numbers. Australian Zoological research journal recently reported that giant pandas are increasing in numbers after successful intervention of human-controlled breeding for their reproduction. Therefore, conserving animals in zoos in one of the best ways to save species from extinction. In conclusion, although some people think that zoos should be forbidden, I, nevertheless, believe that they are worthwhile to save endangered species from extinction. Thus, zoo authorities should carefully regulate the procedures for animal care, so that wild life sanctuaries can truly serve the purpose of animal protection.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that zoos
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be prohibited
for treating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
insensitively
,
however
, others
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
to retain them for wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
conservation. I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that rare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be saved
from extinction when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in zoos away from effects of
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
conditions.

On the one hand, proponents of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
cruelty free
practices towards wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that keeping forest creatures in congested areas is harsh.
For example
, Elephants cannot survive
comfortably
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
enclosures. Zoos may not
perfectly
replicate natural conditions suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
such as adequate space for their free movement.
Hence
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
would not have suitable circumstances similar to their habitat.
Resultantly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rare species could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
sooner than their natural life-span, in artificial habitats.

On the other hand
, zoo supporters insist on utility of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
sanctuaries for conservation. They argue that a zoo serves as a shelter for shielding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
such as polar bears, from bitter and
abruptly
changing climatic conditions.
In addition
, deforestation as a legacy of increasing human population leads to disappearing natural habitats for wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. In this connection,
carefully
planned conservation programs would provide suitable environment, temperature, food, and health care which may enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthy and grow in numbers. Australian Zoological research journal recently reported that giant pandas are increasing in numbers after successful intervention of human-controlled breeding for their reproduction.
Therefore
, conserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos in one of the best ways to save species from extinction.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that zoos should
be forbidden
, I,
nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that they are worthwhile to save endangered species from extinction.
Thus
, zoo authorities should
carefully
regulate the procedures for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
care,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
sanctuaries can
truly
serve the purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
protection.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people say that zoos should be banned for being cruel towards the animals while others say they should be continued for protecting rare animals. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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